Reflecting on Your Marriage

The questions below are meant to help you discuss and evaluate a number of aspects of your marriage. They can help you assess how you are doing in each area and identify areas where you are strong or need to grow. Open, respectful communication is key to any godly, healthy relationship, especially a marital relationship. The following verses can help you focus on the Christ-like attitude needed for your discussions on these topics.

Colossians 3:12-15, “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”

Spirituality as a couple, devotions, and spiritual leadership.

1. How satisfied are each of you with the level of spiritual focus and worship in your lives? Where do you see the need for additional emphasis?
2. How well does the husband accept responsibility for providing spiritual leadership by reading the Word together, leading in prayer, making decisions within the home, and promoting relationships that are scripturally based?
3. How well does the wife do at supporting and encouraging her husband in the above?

Communication.

1. When you are talking, do you feel your spouse is listening?
2. How are you doing at being a good listener when your spouse is speaking?
3. Are you able to have in-depth discussions about difficult issues?
4. Do you feel like some issues never get resolved? If so, which ones?

Expressing affection and emotional support.

1. How openly do you express your emotions with your spouse?
2. How comfortable do you feel expressing your affection for your spouse?
3. Does your spouse feel cared for and respected?
4. What are areas where you need more emotional support? Are you able to talk about those needs?

Conflict resolution and working through differences.

1. How do you feel about your ability to resolve conflict and work through your differences?
2. Are you able to address conflict in a respectable manner (e.g., controlling your tone and volume, etc.)?
3. Have you helped each other grow in how you handle conflict?
4. If you have problems in dealing with conflict, have you set goals on how to deal with disagreements and hold each other accountable?

Relationship with in-laws.

1. How is your appreciation for each other’s parents and families?
2. Are you able to openly discuss concerns and issues that arise in dealing with either of your parents or family members? Do you feel your spouse’s support?
3. If concerns exist, are you able to talk with the parents and resolve the concerns?

Sexual relationship.

1. How satisfied are you with your sexual relationship with your spouse?
2. How committed are you to meeting the other’s needs?
3. Are you effectively dealing with any differences in your sex drives?

Being understanding of personality and gender differences.

1. How are your personalities similar and different?
2. Are you able to appreciate the differences in your personalities?
3. In what ways do you see male-female gender differences come up in your marriage?

Children and family.

1. If you have children, how united are you in your approach to raising them?
2. How are you doing in bridging differences between how you were both raised and how that affects the way you view parenting?
3. How open have you been in discussing your approach to raising children? Are you in agreement on how to discipline children?
4. If you do not have children, are you in agreement regarding when you will start a family? Have you discussed your approach to rearing them?

Church support, activities, and relationship in the Church.

1. How united do you feel with the body of believers? Do you feel appreciated by the Church family?
2. Does your attendance and involvement in church and church activities need to improve?
3. How supportive are you of your fellow believers, and do you make an effort to nurture them?
4. What are your spiritual gifts? How are they being used?

Financial stewardship.

1. Have you established a budget? How are you doing at working together to maintain it?
2. How well do you respect each other in your spending habits? How well do you discuss major purchases together?
3. Are you being careful about debt? Are you comfortable with your level of debt? Are there things you need to do to reduce or eliminate debt?
4. Are you expressing appreciation for what you both contribute to the family (financially and otherwise)?
5. Is your lifestyle consistent with what the Lord desires for you? Are you content?

Personal struggles that either one of you are facing.

1. How open are you in sharing your personal struggles with each other?
2. Do you have any personal struggles that you have not shared with your spouse?
3. How much support do you feel, or how uncomfortable do you feel when you share personal struggles with your spouse?
4. Do you need to seek additional counsel either individually or as a couple?

Ephesians 4:29, 31, 32, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. . . . Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

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For Further Information:

The Marriage Journal
Authors: Jeremy & Audrey Roloff
This journal includes a short devotional and 6 questions that you will ask each other, and record your answers to, once a week. The journal is designed to deepen your connection throughout an entire year.

Couple Checkup
The Couple Checkup is an online assessment that will help you discover your strengths as a couple. Strengths are what enable you to enjoy and to continue developing a healthy relationship. It will also help you identify issues that are threatening the vitality of your relationship and may need to be addressed. The Couple Checkup is designed to help you and your partner build a more satisfying and intimate relationship. Just answering the questions will stimulate thoughts and attitudes about your relationship. It is designed to activate dialogue, discovery, and increase the overall quality of your relationship. [Prepare-Enrich]

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