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What if I’m Same-Sex Attracted?

A great many voices speak into the issues surrounding LGBTQ. Each one attempts to make sense of experience in light of truth as they see it. Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services is no different. We engage this topic believing that God is the Creator, and each human has been created in His image and for His glory. We understand the Bible to be God’s Word and our source of truth. We believe in the historic Christian view of marriage as the covenanted union between one man and one woman. We believe each of us has been touched by the brokenness of this world, and yet, God works in our broken circumstances to align our hearts to His.

  • If you are questioning your sexual orientation, you are not alone. It is not unusual to question your sexual orientation as an oncoming adult only to have it become settled as you mature.
  • Many people who experience same-sex attraction wonder why their attraction is as it is. Studies are not conclusive on this matter. Biological as well as societal aspects seem to have influence on this area.
  • Terminology is important when we discuss sexual orientation. Here is a brief accounting of key terms. It should be understood that nuances and uses of these terms vary. Furthermore, the meaning of the terms can change over time. Below each term is linked to its definition as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary or The Free Dictionary by Farlex.

Two popular terms that are important to understand are binary and non-binary. As it concerns sexuality conversation, binary is a standpoint that recognizes two genders. Non-binary is a term that describes the opinion that gender is on a spectrum. Binary viewpoints are framed in the following: homosexuality, heterosexuality, gay, lesbian, and bisexual. Non-binary viewpoints are framed in the terms: pansexual and queer.

  • What does God think of your same-sex attraction? While we hesitate to assume we understand God’s mind completely, we look to His word for guidance. Repeatedly we see Jesus engaging with the brokenness of this world. His harshest comments and judgment were for the proud and self-righteous. His grace abounded toward the humble. In addition, we see Christ looking beyond the otherwise glaring broken circumstances and seeing a soul. God, loves you. He sees you separate from your attractions. Jesus empowered people to live overcoming lives despite the brokenness. We believe the Scriptures teach that, engaging in sexual interactions outside the bonds of opposite gender marriage is immoral and disobedient to God’s design. This is true whether someone’s attractions are opposite-sex, same-sex, or both.
  • What can you do? Living with same-sex attraction is challenging for many. Often, individuals prefer their reality was different. Below are a few points to keep in mind as you navigate this challenge.
    • Resist the temptation to isolate and deal with your struggle alone. Find an ‘anchor group’ of key confidants that you can be open with.
    • Be wise about where you seek counsel and support. Remember that everyone addressing LGBTQ is doing so through a worldview lens.
    • Remember, you don’t have to base your identity on your experience of same-sex attraction. God wants you to identify yourself with respect to Him (ideally as a son or daughter) and not by your attractions.
    • God loves you. Many people with same-sex attraction have lived celibate, fully flourishing lives. At times, some individuals with SSA go on to be married and have flourished in mixed-orientation marriages.

For Further Information

Is God anti-gay?
Author: Sam Allberry
Christians, the church and the Bible seem to be out of step with modern attitudes towards homosexuality. And there is growing hostility towards those who hold a different view. So, is God homophobic? And what do we say, and how do we relate to both Christians and non-Christians who experience same-sex attraction. In this 88-page book the author helps us understand what God has said about these questions in the scriptures and offers a positive way forward through the debate.

Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was, and Who God Has Always Been
Author: Jackie Hill Perry
This 208-page book by author Jackie Hill Perry shares her own story, offering practical tools that helped her in the process of finding wholeness. Jackie grew up fatherless and experienced gender confusion. She embraced masculinity and homosexuality with every fiber of her being. She knew that Christians had a lot to say about all of the above. But was she supposed to change herself? How was she supposed to stop loving women, when homosexuality felt more natural to her than heterosexuality ever could?

Restoring Sexual Identity: Hope for Women Who Struggle with Same-Sex Attraction [Christianbook]
Author: Anne Paulk
This 279-page book is written for women dealing with same-sex attraction. It is good for individuals struggling with this problem as well as for those who want to help them. The author does a good job of balancing compassion with maintaining biblical standards. She writes from the perspective of someone who has personally dealt with this struggle.

Desires in Conflict: Hope for Men Who Struggle with Sexual Identity [Christianbook]
Author: Joe Dallas
This 247-page book is written for men dealing with sexual identity issues. It is also a good resource for those who want to understand and help someone dealing with homosexuality. The author does a good job of balancing compassion and maintaining biblical standards.