Maintaining A Healthy Mind During COVID-19 Podcast Episode

Just to be able to recognize that things are not going to be normal right now. And if you expect the home or interaction to be normal, you’re going to be really frustrated and disappointed. We’re trying to figure out what the new normal is and give each other grace and patience as you figure that out together. 

And to all our listeners out there, welcome to Breaking Bread, the podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. We’re honored to have a space in your life right now and in your ear. I’ve got Brian Sutter with me. Yeah, it’s a privilege to be in the room here this morning. 

Good to have you here, Brian. Thanks. And we are six feet apart. Indeed. Yeah, that’s the norm. You know, when I left for work today, Brian, my son said, you’re in a mood, and inside me, I wanted to snap at him, but then I knew that that would confirm his statement. Right. That I’m in a mood. Yes, yes. You know what I’m saying? 

Yeah. Let me give you a little backdrop. Okay? One of my sons broke a light which isn’t a big deal. And, honestly, it really wasn’t by his hand. He happened to be there when the damage got done, but I knew very well that the light needed to be repaired. Does that make sense? 

So, a broken light, right? So, we have this tussle, and my wife gives me the look that says, you know, whatever you have planned for today, it’s not as important as fixing that light. Which I’m glad I’ve learned in 20 years of marriage, what that look looks like. So, I’m fixing this light while my one-and-a-half-year-old is playing his xylophone. Just a little hit of racket and Rebecca went off to get groceries. This was her day. You know, she suited up with gloves and everything else to try to get to Walmart when it opens. And yeah, all this, you know, before 7:30, right? 

And I don’t know, maybe I’m an outlier in this world, in this reality, but I would guess that’s probably hitting pretty close to what’s going on. What people are experiencing right now puts people in a mood and I’m going to turn it over to you and stop talking right here because I’m going to have a therapy session right now and everybody else gets to benefit from my therapy. But I haven’t been perfectly happy with what these days have brought out of me. Does that make sense, Brian? 

Yeah, it does. The reality for all of us, whether or not we recognize it, is that we only have so much room to deal with stress and that room gets filled up with just the things that are going on in life. 

And the coronavirus. It fills up a huge space of that allotted amount of stress that we can tolerate before we get into a mood, and we don’t even recognize that, but it’s real and it shows up in small ways. You drive by Walmart and it’s packed, or you drive by a business that usually it’s packed and the place is empty. 

Yeah, and just the small calculations that we’re making. And all of those things are feeding into this limited reservoir. Yes. Is that right? That’s right. Yeah. Okay, so let me unpack a little bit about what you’re saying. And here’s what I think the value is we want for this podcast here, Brian. There’s a lot of content out there about understanding this thing and this world and understanding the realities and the dominoes that are now put in motion. 

What do I need to understand about myself, Brian? I want you to help with that. And you’ve already started answering that question by saying, okay, you’ve got a reservoir to deal with stress. And it’s already been operating with your normal workload and now all that’s been placed upon us now has overwhelmed that system and it comes out in ways that I don’t recognize by seeing an empty parking lot or seeing a full one or empty shelves, all of these things, whether I’m making a mental note or not, it is overwhelming. 

It’s impacting my system. Exactly. That’s filling up. And so, part of this journey would just be able to be aware of how all of this is impacting us. And for some of us, it’s super stressful and it’s creating a lot of fear or anxiety. And for others, it’s just like an annoyance or downplaying and just knowing where you’re at and how that’s likely going to be impacting the information you come across that you really can’t avoid right now, it’s just everywhere. 

But if we can be aware of what’s going on, both in our emotions and our minds and our bodies and our relationships, so that we can walk through this in a way that honors the Lord and that’s really healthy, God’s really equipped us to be able to do that even though there are a lot of things that are unknown and outside of our control right now.  

So, there’s a bunch of things that you said there, Brian, that I want to put my finger on. One is you just mentioned there at the end that God has equipped us. Okay. So, there is equipment that God has given us to walk through days like this. Is that a true statement? Yeah. Okay. And part of that needs some introspection on our part to understand ourselves. Is that a true statement? Yeah, I believe so. And furthermore, understanding our feelings and emotions. Talk a little bit about feelings and emotions. What role are they playing right now in my mood to coin my sons? 

Yeah. Fear is an emotion that rises up when we’re face to face with something that looks and is likely dangerous. So, coronavirus would fit into that, right? We’ve got something that we know is there that is dangerous to whatever level and then from there, if we’re not careful, our emotions move into all of the possibilities that could happen that are catastrophic, and then that fear moves into anxiety and swirling on all of the what ifs. 

And when you’re trying to sort through all of the what ifs, when something is completely novel for all of us, the mind can just go endlessly down a road that just fills us up with fear, anxiety, and eventually that mood that a broken light bulb just is the last thing that we can handle, the straw that broke the back. 

Help me understand the interplay between my emotions and perhaps my logic. Our emotions can, a lot of times, overrule our logic. And so, when we look at information, we see it through more of our emotional eyes rather than our logical eyes. And so, the actual information or the logic, or what I would say is the probability fades into the background. 

And all we can see is what is possible. And then possibility fuels those painful emotions. Okay. And so, what I’ve been looking for in this conversation, Brian, is to better understand myself. And you just gave me an important key. What you’ve just said to me is my emotions will likely speak louder than my logic. 

That rational part of the brain that God gave me to reason through and to think through the facts. Right. Is that a true statement? Right. So now that I know that, okay, so my emotions are going to paint the story. Is that true? Yeah, they’re going to paint the story. And then what happens is once they’ve painted the story, then we start to see an account for information that actually matches that. 

And so, if you’re really fearful or anxious or thinking about what’s possible, and then you’ve got all of these options, as far as information to look at, you can fuel any sorts of emotions that are on the forefront of your mind, and then it tricks us into thinking that it’s logical. All right. So, this is our world, right? 

We’re checking the news all the time. It’s at our fingertips. Is there maybe a healthy wherewithal that we need to have as we consume content? Right. What would you say to that? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think to maybe identify some information sources that would be the places I’m going to go and get information from. 

Whether that’s direct reports from the White House, or if that’s going to the CDC website or those sorts of things that are going to be reliable sources and they’re not just trying to downplay the reality, nor are they trying to create a frenzy. They’re not trying to be emotional. No, they’re just trying to say, here’s the information, here’s what’s going on. And then we can figure out where to go with it from there. Whereas if we just pay attention to our Facebook feed and just anybody’s opinion who’s out there or those sorts of things are going to have much more of a tendency to fuel fear and anxiety. 

Yeah. One word that I’ve heard out of this agency a lot is rumination. We’re certainly teed up for that, aren’t we? Yeah. So, rumination is really just kind of our mind going over and over all the things that are possible and trying to problem solve the problems that might show up that haven’t shown up yet. 

And it actually in some ways can be a helpful exercise to do. But when that’s all we’re doing, and there are so many possible negative outcomes, our minds could go for days and never come to a resolution that’s helpful and that just keeps moving around more and more fear. So instead, what we want to try to do when we find ourselves in that kind of a loop is to say, okay, what can I actually do? 

What kind of action can I move into or what is the logical thing I want to try to remind myself of? Not because I’m trying to downplay what’s going on around me, but because if I just spin on what’s possible, I’m going to move into this paralyzing fear and anxiety. Yeah. Here’s the mental image I think, in pictures. 

Yeah. That God has created us with all kinds of settings and knobs and switches and all kinds of things. And sometimes, situations like what we’ve been thrown into really messes with those dials. Right. This emotion, which God has given me for some wonderful reasons, to make me think about the future and worry enough to plan for it, that knob has just really turned and my thoughtful, reasoning self can’t even operate because it’s been overloaded by emotion. 

Right. You’re asking us really to dial some things back. Part of being healthy will be to know that. When to stop. Right. And I think in that too, recognizing that different people are going to have to have those knobs dialed to different places. We’re trying to determine what’s wise for us to do and letting other people do what’s wise for them. 

So, for example, somebody who’s working in the medical field right now, they’re going to need to spend more time on the planning piece versus somebody who is staying at home and they’re not able to work or they’re working from home and they don’t have to think about all of the what ifs from a medical standpoint necessarily as much as somebody who’s a doctor in a doctor’s office and how do you be wise there or somebody who’s working as a CNA in the nursing home, you know, that’s a very different setting that’s going to cause a lot more planning than somebody outside of that. We don’t want to start to compare ourselves and say, oh, man, what’s wrong with them. They just can’t stop worrying. And then they look over here and they say, don’t they realize how serious this is? It’s so easy to get caught in that right now. 

I really liked Brian, how you painted an expansive view of a body, for example, approaching this effort that we have medical personnel that are servicing us in incredible ways right now. And what’s my role if I’m homebound or what’s my role in my family? What’s my role at my place of occupation? 

What’s my role in my community? And to step into that role and to leave other roles. Because I think right now, we can have a lot of comparison to say, oh, boy, look at how that person served. And, you know, I don’t feel comfortable serving quite like that. Or look at how that person’s teaching their kids. I’m in an absolute free for all right now at home, and to try to adjust needs to be a level set here. Don’t you think? Just a lot of grace given to each other that we have to think about, like you were talking about our context and what it looks like to engage the here and now, and that’s going to look different for different people and that we can support each other and love each other in that rather than trying to figure out who’s doing it right and who’s doing it wrong. 

But recognize that really needs to look differently from household to household, individual to individual, depending on their context and role. God has made us to be healthy through this. Yes. I think that, to me, is so life giving. Okay? He has made us to be healthy through this. I want you to speak about the isolation part. 

Because my reading of the Scripture, isolation is not healthy. Right? And in my experience, isolation is not healthy. And yet, that’s our reality. Help us in the space of isolation. What particularly makes it bad? And by our knowing it, how can we do it better? Yeah. When we are isolated, we tend to do more ruminating things. 

We tend to just kind of go into our minds and swirl on problems that can’t be solved. And we’re more likely to do that when we’re alone. When we’re alone, or isolated, we can be much more prone to just reading information that’s kind of sharing what’s a reality, but also kind of the worst of what’s going on. 

And then when we’re not in contact with our present reality going on right around us, it sometimes can be really scary because we don’t have any other information. So, those would be a few things that we just have to keep in mind that we do need each other and that’s going to look different right now. 

So, we need to be respectful. I think the takeaway is not, well, we just need to break isolation and go just do our thing. No, life needs to look different right now. We have to follow some of those instructions, but also to seek out community in different ways and unique ways. Do life together, even though we have to be at least six feet apart. 

Right. Yeah. I read a little blurb from an article that I thought was really fascinating. They said isolation really gets desperate. When a person feels like they’ve been cut off. Yeah. Okay. Maybe a soldier being cut off from his regiment, right? How desperate that aloneness in isolation makes that person feel so all the more reason that we keep our supply lines open, which fortunately we have a lot of opportunity to do that with technology or with the US postal mail, or even just getting outside if we can and stretch our legs and wave to the neighbors or, and connect with people from a distance. 

I just finished a book a few days ago on generosity, and he was talking about that one of the things that can get us into trouble is what he called the small pie syndrome. And so, when we’re alone, I think it can give us this sense that there aren’t a lot of resources out there, whether they’re physical or relational. 

And then we get fearful and then we start to hoard resources. And this is a time to be reminding ourselves and each other that we serve a God who has limitless resources. And to be tapped into that source right now, we want to keep that connection there and remind ourselves that even though there are things around us that are scary, we know the one who holds all of those things in his hand and that faith that, you know, that we keep connected to him and seeing this all in his hand is, I don’t think we can overstate how important that is. 

Again, God has made us able to be healthy through this and largely that’s coming through his supply lines, isn’t it? Yeah. Maybe that’s his megaphone to us. Yeah. Could it be? I think so. And in that for us to be able to, I mean, one of the sayings that my wife keeps saying, which has been really inspiring to me as like, this is what we’ve trained for, as believers. 

How do we now step into bringing God’s kingdom into our lives? All that’s unknown and scary right now. And we can do that by being able to remember, like, what are those vulnerable groups out there and how can we minister into those? Whether that’s a neighbor who’s older and maybe is more of a vulnerable population in the sense that they’re vulnerable to the virus versus another population that’s maybe more vulnerable to isolation. I think of our singles and what that looks like for them to go home and not have anybody in their house. Or we think of our children, and they wonder what in the world is going on and we don’t even really know. 

A light bulb just went on my mind, Brian? Because that has exactly been my experience. I find that I am the least anxious when I am the most thoughtful about others. So when I’m teaching my class, right. And I’ve got 30 kids on this zoom conference and I’m trying to teach some mathematics, my anxiety really goes down because of the challenge and the need that I see to try to get content to these kids, right? And answer their questions. Does that make sense? Yeah. And that’s in a very practical sense, what we’re talking about, the way to move out of rumination or worry is to move into the present moment in action that’s honoring to the Lord or action that’s engaging the gifts and tools we have or the roles that we’ve been given. 

And that helps us focus on something other than all of the possible negative outcomes. I think that’s a very good, beautiful picture of practically what that looks like. Yeah. And just like God, it makes me smile, he takes the brokenness of this world, and we minister to each other in ways that we’ve not ministered. 

We find release and comfort in ways that we’ve never found release and comfort. Yeah, right through some of these venues of serving him. And in that I think is another thing to maybe keep in mind is our tendency to focus on all the things that we have lost or all the things that are unknown or difficult and those are realities, and we have to come to terms with that. But also, another place that we can focus on is the opportunity that’s in front of me today that wasn’t there a few weeks ago. And there are lots of those. Yeah, they’re very different than what we would have anticipated having right now. But those are places that we can step into and can help move us out of that place of anxiety and fear. 

Yeah, I like that. I think that makes a lot of sense. We’re really finding a new comfort, aren’t we? Yeah. It might not be in some of the other things that we have before found them and that’s not all bad either. No, it’s not. I think in many ways it’s probably exposed the idol of comfort that we appreciate living in for most of us here in America. It’s so safe and there are so many things that are just modern-day comforts that we have taken for granted. 

And now we’ve been shaken to the core. We realize how vulnerable we are. But this thing has changed our world and brought things to a halt so quickly. And that just exposes the reality of how weak and vulnerable we are. Yeah. You know, I think a question that lays on everybody’s heart, whether you know it or not, whether you recognize it or not. And that is what really matters. A person who produces excellence knows what matters. Yeah. Okay, to say, I think God is helping us understand what matters, isn’t he? Yeah, exactly. And then when we’re able to identify what matters, then I think that can help us move in to helpful action. And even a better healthy spot.  

Oh yeah. Brian, this is going to pass. Yeah. Is that true statement? Oh, absolutely. This is going to pass. And perhaps the fruit is yet to come. Is that a fair statement? Yeah. Is there some importance in holding that truth in these days? Oh, I think so. I think when we don’t know what the outcome is it’s really unsettling, but when we can trust that the wave of the unknown is going to pass and things are gonna settle back out, again, it just provides some hope, and hope is so important. 

And I think we primarily find that in knowing and trusting God, but also just knowing and trusting that the things that are unknown will be found out to some degree. Right. And that this is not an eternal state that we live in, that it will pass and there will be things that we’ll look back on and just think, do you remember how wild that was? 

Yeah. And it is wild. And we’re not going back to the old days. No, there’ll be things that are very different after that. I’m confident of that. But not to be fearful of that, but to be excited like, huh, I wonder what God is doing here. I wonder what will shift or what will we learn from this that will help us be equipped for something else. 

Yes. So, Brian, we’ve been talking about a healthy self through this. Is there some things we should be thinking about on what it means to be healthy with recreation? Yeah, that’s a great question, Matt. And I think there’s certainly a time and place for lots of different things. But I think even just from a high level, maybe thinking about anything that we’re doing to check out that’s particularly passive, that’s something that we want to do in moderation versus something more that’s engaging, whether it’s engaging our mind or even physically engaging.  

And the more that we get on kinds of things that are more isolating or passive or more entertaining, those are going to be the things if we get stuck in or do a lot of those, it’s going to lead to an unhealthy self over time. And I think one of the things that’s really appealing about escape is that in the short term you feel better and it does give you a bit of space from whatever’s difficult, but over the long term, it just leads to avoidance that eventually catches up with you versus because it has to be dealt with. 

Exactly. It has to be, you have to deal with what’s reality and you’re engaging your mind and body and keeping those internal systems and, and even who we are is created in God’s image. Spiritual, relational, emotional beings. We’re engaging those things, bringing those to life so that they don’t go dormant on us. 

But fun needs to be a part of it. Like, it can be a lot of fun to sit around a board game with friends or family, whether that’s over Zoom, or you get to do that in person. I just actually heard one of my children, B4! And then across the internet, hit battleship. So that’s an example, right? 

Yeah. And that’s an example, even though you’re not face to face, you’re socially engaged with a person and you’re making memories and experiences and that sort of thing. And things that are engaging us in those ways, can certainly be helpful. Escaping is not bad. In fact, it can be a part of our healthy self. 

Right. But understanding the space of entertainment, in which we release our imaginations to another, and recreation where we have full faculty, those are different. And so we understand this escape. How am I going to spend this time? I should use that entertainment space with some moderation, but we’re not saying no to it. 

There’s some health there, isn’t there? But there’s some tremendous health in the recreation as well. Brian, anything else before we leave? A visual that keeps coming to mind for me, that’s been helpful for me is I think about myself in the grocery store and walking the aisles, I want emotionally to be the individual who’s walking down the toilet paper aisle with great confidence that there’s going to be enough and that therefore, if there’s one last bundle on the shelf, you don’t have to elbow the next guy. Exactly. Like, you know what? Go ahead. You can have it. But my natural tendency can be, I have to get that because there’s only one. 

That is a silly example, but one that keeps coming to mind. How do I live that way and fill my mind with things that are going to help me be that person that says, no, you can have that. And whether it’s toilet paper or whatever you fill in the blank.  

Yeah. Well, I can tell you what mine is. So this might be a very likely story when I go home, that lamp might be broken again. Okay. Because dad’s ability to fix that thing. Yeah. Anyway, I could tell when I got it all upright and steady that I don’t think I really fixed it. Yeah. So it’s likely to be broken again. Sure. But will I be able to absorb that new crisis into my reservoir without a mood. So that’s my assignment. Yeah, I think we can with some of the things that you shared. So, yeah and I think that’s the key that as we walk through our day and that tank gets filled up if we’re continually trying to just work through it and make sure there’s enough room in that reservoir for the next thing because there’ll be a next thing. 

Yeah, which is tricky right now. Well, thanks, Brian. This isn’t the last word on the topic, no doubt. And to our listeners, it’s an honor to be a voice of unity as we all connect from our various places, but we do have a oneness together in Christ and while we seem walled off, there’s a community that’s very much real. 

So thanks, Brian. Thanks for being here. My privilege. And to each one. Thanks for listening. Take care.