Resiliency Podcast Episode

What is my circle of influence? I need to spend my time focusing on that as opposed to all these other things that are out there. We can pray for them, and we can consider them, but we can’t let those things that we really don’t have much influence over consume us or affect our wellbeing. 

Welcome back to Breaking Bread a podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. Today Arlan Miller and I are in the studio. It’s good to be here again. Arlan 2 Thessalonians 3:13, a verse we all know. It says, be not weary in well doing. I think that’s a verse we can relate to, and I think it’s wonderfully simple. 

That doing often brings about weariness, right? Just think about a hard day’s work. You’re weary at the end of it, right? I’m not really sure you can get out from underneath baling hay and being tired at the end of it. It’s fairly natural. So, this is a natural thing, and yet Scripture says, be not weary in well doing. 

And where are we going to go in this conversation and how does that verse perhaps springboard to that? I think it’d be good to just have a conversation today about the idea of rest, resiliency, the correlation between the two, and really thinking through, how do we rest and have rest as part of our lifestyle? 

How often does resiliency come up in the work that ACCFS does? We see it often. Whether it’s a client or whether it’s an interaction with a church group or a minister team, you’re going to see the topic of resiliency come up. And more so, it seems as society gets busier, as life gets busier, the idea of resiliency is right there at the forefront. 

There’s no doubt that there are incredible demands for our time. And there have been incredible demands, I think, in every generation. Right. We have the devices that allow us to meet more and more demands, which perhaps puts more things on our plate. I don’t know. It always seems like what wouldn’t even be a possibility in the past now becomes an expectation in the present. 

And so, we have to keep wrestling with this and realize that our bodies haven’t changed. The physical demands haven’t changed. I read somewhere recently where the average person got two to three more hours of sleep a night 80 years ago or a hundred years ago compared to now. Once the sun went down, you went to bed. 

There was very little light so extending those working hours through the night really didn’t make practical sense. And in a sense, perhaps the body was rhythmically put into its proper design, or it operated according to its proper design. Right, absolutely. You and I both spent time in the classroom and I can remember semi-zombie type students and you talk to them a little bit and you’d find out they were up to all hours. Why did you do that? Because I can, or something like that. And we have to wrestle through some of those questions. 

Yeah. Somebody pointed out this fascinating point to me and said to consider a vehicle. We are not physically made to take in the stimulus of driving 60 miles an hour down the road. I mean, God gave us two legs to walk and at that pace, you can take in the world around you. At 60 miles an hour, I’m tuning everything out except for what’s most important. 

And I don’t mean that we go back to walking or horse and buggy. That’s not my point. My point is, though, I’m missing tons. Yeah. And I don’t know that I’m missing it unless I purposely build in times to rest, to reflect, to stop, and to think. It’s fascinating, Matt, because you see that pattern in the Scripture. 

God predicted this, as he does, long before all of this has come to pass. We need a time of Sabbath, we need a time of rest, and that time needs to be structured and regular. You know, work, rest, work, rest, work, rest. That’s not what I find myself doing if I’m not careful. Okay, so you’re placing your finger on something I think that we want to call out with a little bit more clarity. 

You’re really speaking of God’s intentions for Sabbath, right? Which is a huge theme in the Scriptures, but I might also contend a confusing one to chase down but let’s first start with that cadence that you’re talking about to perhaps the cadence that the world thinks about when it talks about rest. 

Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely Matt. It’s a great point and if we’re not careful we fall into this pattern where we work really hard and then we have this vacation, or this extended vacation, and we place expectations that vacation is to be all things to recharge us and recover us and family time and all those kinds of things. 

And fill us spiritually. Absolutely. So that’s interesting. I think that hits right. We work and work and then we have vacations. That’s our respite. And vacations are incredibly important and those completely have their place of retreat. But they can’t be the only way that we find retreat. 

But you’re suggesting that God has wonderfully built into our framework and then even with his commands to work, Sabbath, work, Sabbath, in much more frequent intervals. Yeah. And it needs to become a pattern of behavior. What are some of those basic understandings that I’m going to need in order for me to live out Sabbath? 

A couple things come to mind. I think we have to remember that physically we cannot go on forever, that physically there are times of rest needed and, frankly, times of extended rest needed. A healthiness of a Sabbath is to physically rest our bodies. You know, another piece is just the spiritual part. 

There’s a huge spiritual component to Sabbath. Do we believe that if we stop working, that God has got it on his end, that things will happen according to his goodwill and pleasure, or that somehow our extra effort is going to push the ball over the court, that type of thing. So, you just mentioned belief, which is another word for faith, which I think is fascinating, that God has placed within this command of keeping Sabbath, really an exercise of faith, which is very powerful. I think that’s quite redemptive instead of me bouncing my leg and saying, man, I wish I could do such and such, but God says I shouldn’t, but to realize I don’t need to do such and such. 

Right. And Hebrews is very clear about this. If you read the first part of Hebrews, it speaks to how the Israelites missed God and the rest God had promised because they did not have the faith to enter into it. It powerfully speaks to this idea of letting go and letting God, being still and knowing that He is God. 

All those verses and concepts that come up over and over throughout Scripture are really housed under this concept of Sabbath. And that’s right out of what Jesus preached, right? Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. So, I wonder if that’s even part of the answer to that Thessalonian. 

2 Thessalonians says, be not weary. Well, Jesus says, you who are weary, find your rest in me. which is powerful stuff. It is and it speaks, as you said, to our faith. How much do we put stock in our own ability and how much are we willing to put faith in God and God’s working? And you can take it to an extreme, right? 

I mean, there are times in the Scripture, you would see it being taken to an extreme. You know, Paul said clearly, if you don’t work, you don’t eat. You know, there are people just sitting around saying, oh, the Lord’s coming. So, I don’t need to do anything. Which is the Thessalonian church, actually. 

It was, yeah. So, you keep it in balance, but it is always a healthy reminder for myself when I find myself striving a little bit too much or a little bit too anxious about certain things. Where is my faith? And certainly, Christ addressed the Sabbath a lot and very frequently. 

It’s, by his perception, abuse of Sabbath. Isn’t that interesting? It is. Yeah. Which I think sometimes spins this concept that, but. I don’t know that he necessarily was trying to drive home the point that Sabbath was important, but he was trying to protect Sabbath because of its importance. Yeah. I think the balance is what we’re seeking here. 

We’re not trying to legislate one way or the other, but the balance and the wherewithal to say, you know what, we need to appreciate Sabbath in our lives and appreciate Sabbath in the lives of others. Okay. So, we might think, all right, so Sabbath, you know, I just stopped doing certain things or I don’t do work. Again, to that Thessalonian church and one place Paul says, study to be quiet. Okay. I love that phrase because there’s actually some intentionality required, in order to live out this quietness or to unplug in a sense. In busyness, we can lose perspective. And a very healthy discipline is to set aside time and say, you know what, I want to spend this time just for perspective, just to realize where I have been catastrophizing, or where I potentially have been minimizing what’s going on? 

Explain those terms. Yeah, catastrophizing is when you blow something out of proportion, when the difficulties, the trouble that you see around you, you know, God has become very small, and the problems have become very big. And minimizing is when you oversimplify something that’s going on, perhaps avoid it, and just stuff it off to the side. 

And I would argue that you need to have some of those quiet moments to let God soothe and speak into that and give you that proper perspective. The image I’m getting here from this exercise is really to be introspective. So, part of the purpose of this quietness would be to be thoughtful about my thoughts. 

You know, how am I processing certain things? What is at stake for being healthy? For sure. The experts would say that one of the most important points of resiliency is to be grounded in reality, to properly understand who you are, how you perceive the world, what’s going on around you. What part do I play?  And maybe more importantly, what part do I not play? Exactly. Who is God in the midst of all of that? It can be a healthy activity of reminding yourself of God’s promises over and over again. And then in the midst of that, you remember who you are, your purpose. Okay, so let’s try one on for size. 

Let’s take a middle-aged mother with kids at different levels and who has just spent all night up. And she’s got laundry all over the place and it’s hard to take Sabbath and not knock that laundry pile down. How should she think about that reflection piece? Great example, Matt, one that I think, on various levels, all of us can relate to. To some extent, our identity can become about the work and the work being done. 

And perhaps, you know, this individual is thinking too much about the perfect house or all the chores being done or everything being perfect and forgetting the opportunity of motherhood, the opportunity and the blessing of the relationships that go along with that and allow God to speak to the joy of the kids at this age and at this stage and that comes along with that. 

And so, in a time of Sabbath or a time of this quietness, in a sense, realize that God very much is going to use that time of quietness to benefit my mothering. And it might not be in those outward signs of a well-kept house. Right? It reorients us just a little bit more to what’s truly important. 

You know, and Matt, another key piece of Sabbath is just the physical rest that happens. You know, our old elder used to always say fatigue makes cowards of us all. And such a powerful little saying that so many times in my life when I am tired, when I am not taking care of myself physically like I should, those problems become a little bit bigger than they need to, and I don’t find myself quite as aggressive as trusting and addressing them in the way that I should.  

So healthy rest, healthy relationships, healthy reflection, all key things. And healthy going to Jesus. You know, I think of the woman at the well, and Jesus presented himself as the living water that we go and drink from the cistern of Jesus. And he knows that we need to have some cadence of respite to do that and to be filled by him. So that we can continue to be poured out and pour him out.  

Yeah. It’s a mindset that needs to happen on a daily basis as well. I mean, there can be a daily grounding that takes place. I think of my morning devotion time, which is very near and dear to me. And as I reflect on that time, it is really a time where I stop, and I think, and I try to ground myself before I engage in the day. A little bit of maybe a daily rest practice or Sabbath practice, if you will, and each person will have their own thing that works for them. The key is, I think, to be reflecting and thinking about what works for them. That even in the midst of the busyness of the holidays or whatever it could be, you’re still finding that time to rest. 

Speak a little bit about what’s at stake or give us a vision again for what potentially can be the outcome. Sure, Matt. Resilient life. Yeah. I’d like to paint a picture for the listener. If you think of a triangle. It has different layers and at the bottom of that layer, you have a healthy self, and then building upon that, you have healthy relationships and a healthy marriage. 

Maybe a healthy church would be the next level and then a healthy mission at the very top. I think what can happen in the name of good things, like so many good things are in the name of a good mission or a good church. We focus on those things, and we forget that the base root, the fundamental root is a healthy self. 

If we take care of ourselves first, and put first things first, then that will lead naturally to healthy relationships, healthy marriages. It will lead naturally to healthy churches and to healthy missions. And the moorings of a healthy self really lie in faith, in that spiritual component of Christ being our Savior, and we come under his light and easy yoke. 

Opportunities are not decreasing. Opportunities are increasing. In the midst of that, we have to push ourselves to step back and take that perspective of faith, as you said, that faith in who God is. And by doing that, we will not be weary in well doing, because we are grounded in the discipline of rest. 

Arlan, as I think about a healthy self, and we talked about the importance of faith in Christ and understanding and resting in him, what are some more tools for what that looks like. I would have to think that one tool, somebody might be self-reflective and realize, you know what, I need to shed some things here. I simply can’t sustain and do all the things that I’m trying to do well. Is that a part of this, too?  

You know, Matt, that’s a great point, and there are two models that come to my mind. You know, one model, which maybe you’ve seen before, is this idea that there’s this big circle out there with all of the things that concern us, right? All of the things that cross our radar on a daily basis. And then within that, there’s a smaller circle that is a circle of actually those things that we can influence or have an effect upon. And there is great health in reflecting and thinking through, okay, what is my circle of influence? And I need to spend my time focusing on that as opposed to all these other things that are out there. 

We can pray for them, and we can consider them, but we can’t let those things that we really don’t have much influence over consume us or affect our wellbeing. And then there’s another model Matt, which I think is a powerful model where you just think of circles that are kind of concentric circles, and the center circle is core. 

What is core to who you are? What are things that only you can do that God has called you to do? And then maybe outside that you have another circle that is more at the medium point where there are good things that you could be doing and then farther outside of that you have a bigger circle of things that you frankly probably need to stop doing because they’re taking you away from the core that God has called you to. 

And if we evaluate the things that consume our time or the things that we are vested in or trying to accomplish, we might find that they fall in those different bins. Absolutely. And we have to reevaluate and say, okay, what is not going to get done if I don’t do it? Because it’s nobody else’s responsibility. 

I mean, I think of being a father to my children. I think of being a husband to my wife. I mean, certainly, if I don’t, nobody will. Right. So those clearly, are in that center circle, clearly in the circle of my concern as well as my influence. But maybe there’s a cause out there that is preoccupying a great deal of my time, which is on a lot of people’s radars, in fact, in many people’s sweet spots, and maybe I need to leave it there. 

Yeah. And just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should always be doing that thing. Yeah. I think that makes sense as we reflect and personally evaluate what we do. And maybe one final thought as we consider this, realize that rest, resiliency, Sabbath, these things, they won’t happen automatically. 

You don’t just stumble into them, unfortunately. There was great care and great effort taken in Bible times to prepare for the Sabbath. And I encourage the listener, if you’re feeling that you need to get back to this. I need to really think about this if I’m feeling stretched and strained and I have not been faithful to this as I should be. 

Start with one small step. Think about this next Sunday that I can make it more about relationship and family and rest and Sabbath and the Lord. And then let that build to another step. We can engage in all or nothing thinking so quickly there and beat ourselves up because there’ll be times when our Sabbaths are encroached upon. 

There’ll be times when we don’t do as well as we should, you know, in, in practicing that. But the intent and the discipline are what we’re building here. And we’ve alluded to it, but it’s so true that you can trace God’s hand of rest beginning at Genesis when he rested on that last day of the week. Why? Because the work had been finished. Right. Again, that concept of faith. And then Jesus revisits it. You read it, mentioned it in Hebrews, and we see it then in Revelation as well. This is the completion of rest. And he is welcoming us in. The Gospel is very much about resting in him and the finished work of Christ, which I think is exciting because we can see the reflection of God in this important activity. 

What a powerful concept, Matt. Thanks for this good reminder, Arlan. And as we all go back to our busy lives, we and trust and pray that some of the elements brought about here resonate with you as we think about our lives, as we think about this wonderful gift that God has given us of rest, and that we might join him in that rest.