Grief In Teens Podcast Episodes

Ask them, how are you feeling? Just being able to meet them right where they’re at and give them the space to talk about how they’re feeling and how they’re doing. Welcome friends to Breaking Bread, the podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. It’s great to have you along. 

Here in the studio, I’ve got Craig Stickling and Kathy Knochel. Kathy is a new voice and face here in the office, and we’re glad to have you along, Kathy. Kathy hails from Bay City. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Kathy, and your place here. Yeah. Hi, I’m excited to be here. So, I recently transitioned to a clinical counselor role here at ACCFS. 

My background is in an outpatient therapy setting with youth and families at a community mental health. And so, I have been doing counseling with teens and kids, especially focused on trauma and family therapy interventions with them. Thanks, Kathy, for that introduction. And maybe a little bit more of details too, Kathy, you’ve got an office of Michigan, so you won’t be on site. 

You’re on site this week, but not on site always. Yes, correct. I’m going to be spending probably about a week a month for a while down here at the office in Morton. Otherwise, I’m working remotely up in the Bay City area. And Craig needs no introduction. We’ve had a few of these, haven’t we? We’ve had a few of these, so it’s great to have you back. 

Our audience knows Craig as both working here out of this office, but his full-time job is in the public schools as a counselor there. Yes. So again, as we talk about grief here today, maybe to set the stage of this conversation. And again, both of you understand this space even more pointedly than I do, but we’re really focusing on that teenage grief time of life when grief strikes very near to them. Okay, a couple scenarios perhaps to help us understand what this might look like. Suicide, for example. It’s not uncommon for that exposure to happen, right? A death of a near loved one, a friend, maybe tragic trauma. Okay. Or separation of folks, divorce, these types of things can rock our worlds. 

And we want to really zone in on that young person’s life and understand grief as it’s very near to them. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Yes. In the fallen world, we’re going to have these situations that you talked about. We’re going to have losses and some of great depth and some maybe just phases, stages of life. 

It does impact us all. But there’s something really unique going on with the adolescent teenage person and grief and loss, and I love just looking and being reminded of where their brain is at right now at this age, right? That 12 to 18 year old, and as they grow and as they’re developing, their brain is like shifting gears pretty heavily, and they’re going from that well, I was a kid, everyone directed me and, and I kind of went with the flow and I was pretty concrete in my thinking, but now they’re starting to understand things at a deeper level they don’t have the experiences or emotions necessarily to know what to do with it. 

You started by talking about a broken world. Could it be part of the complexity here is the first exposure of a broken world in a real sense to a person, as you mentioned, that doesn’t have the experience? For those of us who have lived life, we understand a broken world. Some are experiencing the brokenness of the world. 

That’s got to be disenfranchising. Is that a good word for a young person? Yeah. Especially as there’s a part of that brain thinking that nothing bad will ever happen to them. And so, you’ve got that. Parallel going on in addition to them now getting exposures to go like, no, wait a second, those things do happen. They’re building up this little perfect world and all of a sudden, they’re realizing that comes down. 

Yeah, Kathy. How about you? What have you experienced and what is there to know about this developing mind experiencing grief? Yeah, I think the biggest thing I know with teens is they’re in this space where they are really trying to become their own individual and trying to separate from who they were as a child, and they’re really focused on matching with their peer group and things like that. 

So, when grief or a loss comes up in their life, and it can be a range of anything. It can be something small from like friendship changes or things in that arena to the loss of a loved one or things like that. And so, I think similar to what Craig had said, they just don’t have the experience, or the coping skills developed to know how to handle it and how to get through that season that they’re experiencing. 

Yeah. I love that. You know, you’ve already alluded to coping skills, so we’re going to come to that, but I’d like to put that aside and maybe come to that a little bit later because you mentioned another aspect of knowing. This knowing of oneself, there must be something about identity here. Yes. Yeah. 

Well, I think basically they’re trying to figure out who they are, where their place is in this world, what their talents are and who they want to be become. And so, it’s just a time of searching and figuring that out. Right. And you know, they’re moving from the backseat of that life car and they’re actually getting a little bit of behind the wheel experience, and they start to drive a little bit and they get a little taste of that freedom and control. And that’s a beautiful transition season time. But then all of a sudden, grief, death, and loss reminds them that, okay, wait a second. I can be behind the wheel, but that doesn’t always mean I’m in control. 

And their brain goes, I don’t know what to do with that. Yeah. Okay. So, loss of control is an important category as it concerns grief in teens. Yeah. Kathy, what have you learned about the nature of grief? It is definitely different for everyone. Every teen that is going through grief has their own experience with it, and they respond to it in their own way and based on those life experiences that they have had, it shapes their response to it. 

And so, I think the biggest thing I’ve learned with grief is that there’s not just one way it’s expressed, one way it’s experienced, things like that. I’m sure you get, is this normal? Right? This is what my child, my young person is going through. Is this normal? Okay, so now what you just answered to that is, no, nothing is normal. 

Right. But on the flip side of the coin, there is probably a saying, no, that’s not normal. So, can we tease this out even a little bit more? Are there some bookends here about what we would see as expected and some outliers there? Yeah. As we look at what would fall in the range of grief, right? And one is just to understand, like Kathy said, it can be all over the board, depending on the kid’s personality, their perspective, what they’ve been taught already as far as in the grieving process, but certainly quiet, maybe isolating, withdrawal. 

Sometimes the complete opposite. I want to be next to mom’s hip everywhere she goes. I just want to be near to her. For some, it’s oversleeping. They just want to stay in their bed all the time. Others, they’re fearful of sleeping and so they try to avoid that as much as possible. Some kids will isolate from their friends and go more into hibernation mode and others want to be with their friends 24/7 so they almost always over connect with people, so you have all these variations that are happening at play, especially for the teenager. Yeah, in a sense by all of that you’ve normalized it by expressing how non-normal it is. Is there an expectation or a route? Is there a path to grief?  

Those are stages of denial, and I can’t believe this happened to shock and to depression, to anger and going through those stages, right? And moving into where we want them to get to be acceptance and understanding of that. So, there is a path, there’s a process that most people go through. 

Some may stay more in some areas than not, but there is a path of progression that we see in that grieving process. And as a counselor then, you try to really steward that process. Would there be cause for alarm if perhaps you’re in one particular place for too long? Is that something that you would think about? 

Yeah, I would say that it’s important that teens along with their families have the ability to move and work together to make sure that they are progressing through these phases. I think being stuck in any one area could cause issues in other areas of their life, if it’s in the shock or denial phase of grief for too long, that might start impacting things at school or things with friends and then it stalls the process of recovering from that grief. 

I would have to imagine that just knowing that these stages are coming is probably some solace. Yeah, and I think it’s unique to remember the adolescent brain is now different than the five-year-old or the eight-year-old brain. We could say, well, we’ve already talked about this when grandpa died five years ago, right? 

But to be reminded that their brain is looking at things at a different layer, a different depth now, and to re-explain it as more in that adult perspective now, because that’s where their brain is trying to get to. So, we almost reintroduce those seasons, those stages, those elements of grief. 

Right. But we have that conversation with our kid, and it is a little more of an adult format. So, there may be an education piece, perhaps when you walk with a young person through this, whereas, as you mentioned, the younger ones you would comfort in perhaps a little different way with less information. But now this young person has the capacity to understand a few things and teaching them that understanding is healthy. 

Yeah. And with younger kids, that empathy with their feeling and being able to say, I know what you’re feeling, could be pretty helpful, probably something that isn’t going to be as helpful to say to a teen is to say, I know how you feel. That is not comforting to a young teen to say, I know how you feel, because translation is you’re not listening to me at all. 

Then, are you? Yeah, interesting, because you’ve just indicted a bunch of us parents right now. So, let’s, let’s unpack this a little bit more. Talk a little bit about that. What is the appropriate way then to try as we might to connect and empathize. Yeah. The biggest thing with that is rather like Craig said, letting your teen know, I know what you’re feeling. 

Ask them, how are you feeling? Just being able to meet them right where they’re at and give them the space to talk about how they’re feeling and how they’re doing. And then that can be a time that parents are able to validate their feelings more than telling them, well, you should be feeling this way, or you should start to see things differently or things like that. 

So, just being able to meet them right where they’re at and talk to them. And you mentioned validate. So, to acknowledge that feeling and to validate it as reasonable and even perhaps healthy in terms of this progression, is that a true statement? Yeah. We had a student whose stepmom had died suddenly, and he didn’t really have much of a connection with her. And one of the things that he shared is he says, I’m really upset that I don’t feel more upset. And so, I could have assumed a bunch of things, and I could have said, well, I know you’re feeling this, but when they get a chance to share, you sometimes get a little more of what their brain is trying to do and how they’re actually processing some things. 

Can we just say grief is confusing then? It’s not as clear cut to say, oh, this happened, therefore I feel this, but this happened, and I’m confused even about what I’m feeling about it. Yeah. One of our handouts that we have at the ACCFS website is the Grief and Emotion Tangled Ball. And I love that. I love that picture, and I use that all the time. 

Say a little bit more about it to our listeners. It looks like a yarn ball, but in each string, it’s a different emotion. And you think of that ball that’s all tangled up, and some pieces tie into others, and others come in and they come out. But there’s so much of it that’s all wrapped up. And that really does such a great visual of encompassing. 

I agree with that because that has helped me too. And our listeners can find that on the search menu on our website, going to grief and emotion. And that image will come up, grief and emotion. And it is just intertwined emotions, isn’t it? Everything from despair to frustration, to anger, to sadness, all intertwined into one existence. 

Right. And I think that says it very well. The complexity. A unique piece to add into this is really encouraging the parents as far as how do we model our grief to our kids, you know, cause we really are sharing with them. How do we hurt as just God’s creation and how do we hurt sometimes as a church family, if something happens within the church, a loss in the church of someone. 

And, you know, so how do we handle that? How do we respond and how do we show that to our kids? I think there are so many powerful opportunities that we have to teach our kids, this is what grief looks like in the realness of it, but to be okay to show that. Now you’ve really got my mind turning to Craig, because I do think the community of the church is where we do see grief. 

If we are active in our church family, it doesn’t go long and there’s grief. That’s outward and to really seize upon that in moments where we might not have been touched by grief but to walk that exposure, right? I like my kids to come to funerals as much as they possibly can. In the way that we do church, there’s just lots of funerals. 

Yeah, right and we do have that so anyway, I don’t mean to be waxing eloquent, but it sounds to me like you’re saying there is something to this right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And for us as parents to be open and to say, you know what, my emotions are all over the place on this. I’m just so whatever it may be, based on the situation, the circumstance, how long we’ve known the person. 

We as adults have a range of how we respond and how we think. But to be able to communicate that as well to our kids. And with that, I’m going to cut in as we are midway through this conversation with Kathy and Craig. Grief in teens. It’s tricky. It’s important. And when we come back, we’re going to see a redemptive view of the grief process as well as some practical tips for processing loss. 

I know you’ll want to listen to that. So, thank you for being here and again, see you back soon. Goodbye. 

I use the example with them a lot that it’s like if you have a stack of paper on your desk that’s just all in a mess and in a disarray, processing is really just taking those pieces of paper and putting them in a file cabinet and filing them in the right places. Welcome, friends, to Breaking Bread, the podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. 

Today, we’re continuing the second part of a conversation I had with Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling on grief with teens. In this episode, we’re going to focus on processing loss with some wonderful practical tips. Listen in. What advice would you have for parents if their kids say something outrageous in their grief? 

Okay, I’ll give an example. God can’t be real. Okay. Or I hate x, y, and z. Right. I think sometimes these statements in times of despair can put parents and helpers on their heels to say what should I be speaking to right now? Yeah. I’d be interested in your thoughts on that. I think Kathy’s an expert in unanswerable questions. 

So, I’m going to let her fire away on this. Fortunately, she’s in the room. I would say one of the biggest things there. As parents just being able to take these statements in stride when teens are saying these things and being able to reflect on them and come back and revisit them at a time that you’re not feeling emotionally charged by what is being said. 

I think that kind of space around that is important. So, you’re really saying, choose your timing. Yes. And there’s times that we’re sharing a thought, or a feeling and we don’t necessarily want an answer at that point. Right. We don’t want our spouse or a friend or a coworker to sit down and say, oh, okay, here’s where your thinking is flawed. 

Let me correct it for you. Sometimes we’re good just to express. And when our kids say some of those outrageous things like Kathy said, we acknowledge that and appreciate their sharing. And to say, I appreciate that. Let’s connect again. I might fold in a couple of things that you’ve said even. 

Lack of experience, lack of perspective. Yeah. And all of this, and they have got this emotion that they’re trying to communicate with no vocabulary to do it. Now, I mean, nothing’s sufficient. I mean, I don’t have sufficient vocabulary to address and so sometimes it comes out in not the best-chosen words. 

Is that fair enough to say? Yeah. I remember once we had a couple of our students in high school who were killed in an accident. And I was having some groups of kids in my room, and they were just talking through, and I so clearly remember this young man. And it was just like you watched in his brain, the lights come on. And I remember him so clearly still to this day, he goes, so if all we’re going to do is end up dying, what is the point of living? And I still remember that. And I could have given him lots of points to answer that question, but that wasn’t what he was looking for. 

He was coming to conclusions, some fabulous, insightful conclusions, right? And giving him that opportunity to reflect on that, an answer would have lost that moment for him. Interesting. So, what did you do? I think that’s a perfect example. Yeah. Yeah. Well, kind of like what Kathy said, you affirm, and you acknowledge what they say. 

And affirm doesn’t always mean that, oh, you’re right on, but affirm that you heard them and that you heard that statement. And so sometimes you reflect, I just heard you say that, you know what, that really is a powerful thought. There’s a lot in that. What’s your next thought after that, or how does that package your feelings, what feelings go along with that? 

So, you take it and you just kind of say, let’s just go one more step with that. What I really liked though, Craig, by that example, is you heard something different than what I heard in that question. And that exclamation, you heard a soul that was in grief and processing the deep realities for the first time. 

Yeah. And I’m like thinking apologetics, right? Yeah. I missed it. I missed the cue. I missed the point. And I think that’s really valuable for all of us to hear. Really what you’re suggesting is listen to the cry beneath the words and retain. You mentioned timing and retention. 

And there’ll be a time later on down the road when maybe the emotional intensity has leveled out a bit to be able to come back to that and to be able to say, you know what? I remember last month you mentioned this. I’ve really thought a lot about that. I’d like to share more with you on that. 

Wow. What a great message to your kids that first you remembered something that they told you. And then you’re willing to take time at a later date to speak to them on that. I really like the practical nature of this. And Kathy, you launched this a few moments ago when we started talking about parents and addressing. 

I would be interested to know what other tools, because I found that to be helpful. What are the things would you suggest for a helper, maybe a parent or maybe a Sunday school teacher, somebody coming alongside the kids? I mean, so often words fail us. And if truth be known, we’re kind of afraid to connect and we know we need to, but we’re at total loss to know how to love a person. So anyway, I’m curious about what else you might offer. Yeah. And so this might be a little bit off the topic of grief and loss, but I think in those moments, like you mentioned, like as a Sunday school teacher or, as a friend or parent in the situation, I think it’s good to be able to in those moments be sensitive and acknowledging the grief, but it’s also important to be able to talk about other things going on in their life, like being able to just ask about situations happening at school. I think teens are also in these confusing moments, trying to find a sense of normalcy too. And so, when people in their life are talking about some of the normal things that are happening, that’s good for them too, in those moments. 

Okay, so I really like that because I can picture myself. I know this because I’ve experienced this where I want to be that person to pull this out of them and have a good conversation when no, I’m not that person. So, there’s really this proper distance that we play recognizing and really honoring that grief. 

You’re really saying don’t identify that person with grief. Yeah. Is that right? I would agree with that. I think it goes back to just what we have talked about previously as far as being able to meet them where they’re at, talk about, validate, but then also have the ability to know your role in their life and in the situation. 

That’s excellent. The Bible talks about weeping with those that weep, but just being able to step in with just a very brief, you know what, oh, I’m so sorry for the loss. And then we ask and say, you know what, I’d love to be able to listen or be able to have a time to share with you sometime down the road or maybe a lunch coming up or whatever on this a little bit more in detail, if you’d be interested in that. 

And then you kind of step away from that. You’ve given them your connection with them. You’ve also given them your ear. Yeah, but then you’ve stepped away from that. So, they don’t feel like at that moment, okay, I now have to be in a counseling session. And so here goes everything. But to also acknowledge that with them, but also to ask them and put it into their steps. 

Grief is far too tricky to assess right across the hall. Oh, you know what? I think they must be doing much better. Ted Witzig, Jr. mentioned it’s like waves. And they can come crashing, and maybe the wave is moving out. And so even that assessment piece of how that person is doing has got to be tricky at times. 

Yeah. And some people really have the gift of remembrance. And you look at that season and that stage and people process at different times and for some, tremendous, tremendous loss can be a year or two and feeling back, okay, I think life will be okay, but to remember the anniversary of something and to be able to come back right around that anniversary and just remember, you know what, I was thinking of your grandpa. 

Last week, it’s been a year, hasn’t it? And you come and you connect with them. What a powerful tribute to that person. When you make that general connection with them on that. I really like metrics. When you mentioned a year to speak to this timeline, and you’ve already mentioned, Kathy, there’s nothing normal, but when you’re talking to young people, do you ever give them a timeline perspective and say, hey, listen, things are completely upside down right now. And you can expect it to be upside down for a little bit of time yet. 

The reason why I’m asking this question is that I think it’s helpful for parents and caretakers, but I think it’s also helpful for the young person who’s listening to this saying, am I going to be swirling upside down for the rest of my life? I think so. Yeah. Great question. I think it’s helpful to acknowledge the intensity, right? 

The intensity of what they’re feeling. And for them to recognize that intensity is not always going to be as high as it is now. And that intensity may come down over time. And to be able to speak into that, okay, it’s going to get better. But to help them recognize that intensity will come down. 

Thoughts and feelings and triggers that come up, reminders and things like that can pull that intensity way back up again. But for them to recognize, you know what, that intensity doesn’t last, the duration isn’t as long. And so, you start to get that shortening of the duration. I think that’s really helpful. 

I think that, again, is, and you mentioned the adolescent mind needs knowledge, doesn’t have experience, so they might not have experienced those intensity changes. You dodged my time question, and I’m okay with that. But at least you did nail down some basic axioms to say intensity will decrease. 

Is that a good approach, Kathy? Yeah, I would definitely agree with that. Because we as adults know that with time, it can change. It helps in situations like that. And so, the teen is able to notice that in conversations and that they can reflect that that intensity has decreased slightly. And so, I think that word intensity is really a good one to pair with this. 

And you look at the scenario, right? If grandpa who lived his entire life in Florida and I saw twice a year, you know, if he passed away, that’s going to be a different timing language than if my stepdad or my dad died in an accident or committed suicide. Wow. That is a totally different package of time. 

One’s looking at weeks and months versus another one’s looking at probably years. Yeah, that makes sense. You know, I remember hearing the testimony of a man who lost his wife and the most helpful thing he heard through the visitation line and the only thing he really remembers is a brother who had experienced the same thing and said, you will smile again. 

And that’s what he hung on to. But again, it was this little bit of thing that said. listen, I don’t know a lot, but I do know that it will improve. You know, there’s a fascinating piece of grief and God’s design for us to be able to grieve, and I’ve really appreciated that. And one of the things that I feel that maybe as adults we try to do is we try to eliminate grief as quickly as possible. 

We try to make our kids happy and to get them back to the regular schedule. And yet God has allowed us to go through the grieving process. And it’s really such an amazing process for dealing with loss. There’s a uniqueness to it that’s unlike any other thing. And so sometimes to not necessarily rush it, but to help our kids understand that loss really means something. 

And that what we do with the loss, that God has given us the ability, even though we hurt, even though it doesn’t make sense, but God has allowed us to be able to go through this, to have this grieving process because it’s really about healing. It’s about hope. It’s about the future. You’re really positing this concept that grief is natural. 

It’s normal. It is even God given or sanctioned. As a healthy process. Is that a fair statement? Yeah. Now, I’ve got a question. I might be the only one who understands what I’m even trying to think, all right? So maybe this won’t work, but I remember trying to fathom God’s infinite nature. It’s one of these things that you just can’t quite process. 

That’s the word. I can’t process how big God is, or you can’t process his eternal existence. Is there a nature in grief, and I’m thinking really of a loss of a loved one for a young person. Sometimes I think it’s a similar type of thing. I can’t process the extinction of a life. All I know is life, my breath. 

And now, how do I process this person’s nonexistence? Does that make sense? Is there something there that needs to be processed? And so really my question is, how do you help a person process loss? Yeah, and the Bible gives us a great framework for death and the power of Christ, and that is that he defeated death. 

And it gives us that picture of death and the loss, but Christ and the gift and creating that lens, that foundation for our kids to think about death and to be able to see that the Bible has spoken fairly clearly on this and knows the nature of it, but also knows the power of being a Christian and what that means for the word death. 

Really what I hear there too, Craig, is that Christ is very near to this. As being the creator of life, he understands life and death very nearly. Yeah. I think that’s helpful in processing loss because I think sometimes, we think there must be a huge separation here. God must be out there somewhere, but you’ve really brought him nearby. 

I think that’s a helpful process concept. Kathy, I don’t know if you have any thoughts on processing loss, particularly among teens. Echo everything Craig had said there. I think that’s a really important point and you know, there is a point where some teens may need to get involved in some therapy services where they are able to process that with a counselor and go through that process of trauma recovery. 

So, here’s what I’m totally hearing as a layperson. You’ve helped me a lot treating symptoms. That makes sense. Help treat the feeling, help treat the process, help understand, you know what I mean? And I see this core wound here is processing loss. And what you’ve said is sometimes it does need to be elevated to a professional coming through. 

Are those some things that you do? You go right to that loss. And help a person process it. Is that part of what you folks do when you work with them? They’re all nodding their heads. Yeah. Absolutely, and it’s interesting I’ve had some students who have shared that they’re ready to talk and to process, but the adult at home is still hurting so bad. 

And so, they don’t share because they know that, well, I know mom is already hurting and for me to talk to her about this, it’s just going to make it worse. So, in their mind, they’re trying to protect mom. So they don’t share and I know probably every mom out there would say, yeah, my feelings, I can put them aside or we can hurt together, but I want my child to share and yet sometimes the reality is that a student or a child can benefit from some kind of outside support that they don’t feel like they have to respond to all their emotional elements as well. 

That’s good. Can I say that you mentioned acceptance is kind of where that lands the grief cycle? Would you say in order to come to a place of acceptance there needs to be a processing of the loss? Yeah, I think without processing, grief isn’t allowed to do what it’s supposed to do, right? And that processing allows grief to take us through that season, take us through those steps. 

And when we skip that or we just say, oh, in my brain, shove that to the back, not going to feel sorry. I’m just going to stuff it. Denial eliminates and never allows the full grieving process to bear its full fruit in that regard. And the reason why I’m asking this question is because I think that’s helpful. If I’m a parent with a grieving child, to have a bit on my radar, are they processing the loss? 

Or are we just, as you said, pushing it aside? Ignoring it? That’s not healthy. Is that right? Yeah. And the way I have always described with teens, like what it means to process or what the purpose of processing is, I use the example with them a lot that it’s like, if you have a stack of paper on your desk, that’s just kind of all in a mess and in a disarray, processing is really just taking those pieces of paper and putting them like in a file cabinet and filing them in the right places. And so that way, if it’s grieving over the loss of a loved one, you’re able to pull the memories that you want to at certain times or be able to talk through them. 

And be able to share happy memories without having a large emotional reaction to any thought, trigger, or memory. And so that’s where the processing comes in. I really love that graphic. I really like that, Kathy, because I think sometimes, we’re afraid that processing the loss means scooping up the papers and throwing them in the trash can. 

Right. And you’re saying, no, it’s not that at all. It’s actually putting in a tidy file so they can bless you, continue to bless you as this person has always blessed you. Right. Something I found that goes along with the teen and grieving is that some teens might be very good verbally and expressing themselves verbally. 

Some teens might be very good at having thoughts and being able to get those thoughts out maybe on paper or sharing. And then there are some where that’s just hard. Both of those elements are hard. And then you look for, okay, so what is something that we can do together that deals with this grieving process. So, tell me your thoughts or how are you feeling? 

So, but you’re giving them the opportunity to do something. I found over and over and over that they might not know what to say or how they’re feeling, but if I can give them something to do, they feel like, okay, that is movement. I really like the doing. I think all of us are like, yeah, what do we do? 

Haven’t we all said that in situations like this? What should we do? Kathy, what are some practical things that perhaps can help a person, a young person cope with loss? Yeah. To have them take their grief and all of the thoughts that they have, or all of the feelings that they have, and be able to do something active. 

Always a really good suggestion is doing things like journaling, or drawing, or being able to get up and change your environment. So, if a teen is really struggling, and they’re at home in their bedroom, you know, being able to have them come outside of their bedroom, maybe go for a walk or do something active in the house. 

Just something that changes where they’re at or what they’re doing. Those are great suggestions. Yeah, I’ve found that art is a good way of connecting with what they’re feeling and thinking. It doesn’t require words or thoughts, but whatever medium it could be. It could be pen and paper, it could be an art set, it could be just markers, it could be things that are just out in nature that you pull in and pull together and work with. 

There are so many different varieties of that but giving them some things to be able to do. I found something that’s interesting, they think about this, what were my last words to the person that is gone? And sometimes have them re script that to say, okay, let’s rewrite a letter. If you had the moment, and most people don’t, but what would you like your last words to be? 

So, they get to rewrite that ending, rewrite that script. I know some of my students, they speak often of going to the gravesite. And they go maybe on a remembrance, or monthly, or for a while, or a year. And they go, and they write a thought, or they take and release a balloon. 

So, it gives them something to do. In that regard, some people say, okay, we’re going to do something in memory of our grandpa or for our lost loved one. And they find a project to create or to make or to do or to donate in that regard and they do it in remembrance. So, you’re really giving their brain something else to do, but they’re giving them a chance to express themselves by doing something. 

I really like that. Those are great suggestions. Kathy and Craig, our audience is experiencing this. You know, there are parents with grieving children, and maybe there are young folks listening who have deep grief. And you’ve worked with many. And so, my question is, have you seen young people on the other side of grief? 

Is there such a place, Craig? It is evident that there is another side and that you see them make it to the other side, and it’s a beautiful moment, whether in counseling or just in the school setting to see kids that get to the other side. There is that recovery element. God has given us the capacity to heal and to be able to see that happen. 

You know, death is such a reminder of how to live life. And so, there’s a great reminder in that there’s a great hope that comes out of that, even at the hurt and even at the loss, but to be able to see that. And to be able to see that in our church family as well. So many who have gone through that and they are the hope, right. 

And they live that. And to be reminded of that and to help our kids see what is possible. Yeah, that’s neat. Kathy. Yeah, I definitely would just echo and agree with the things that Craig had just said. I think that absolutely, when you had said, do we see teens on the other side of this, we do. 

And in multiple different areas, in our personal lives, and with the kids we’ve worked with, I think about the comment you made earlier, Matt, just about you will smile again. And I think that’s a really good line to hang on to. Yeah, I love that. Thanks, both of you, for sharing your experience. No doubt it’s encouraging to many. 

And just, again, like that word picture of those papers all put together. That processing the loss, you will smile again. And that loss is going to have life in you. With that, papers pulled together, put in a file. And I think that gives so much purpose and redeeming qualities. You mentioned it, Craig, Christ, the giver of life and how near he is in these moments, I think is something to seize upon as well to recognize. 

So, thanks so much. Thank you each one for listening. We trust and pray that the content shared here in this podcast is a blessing. Have a great day.