Supporting Biblical Decision Making Webinar

So welcome again to this mentoring webinar on supporting biblical decision making. As I said, I’m Arlan Miller. Katie Miller and Isaac Funk are here with me, and we’re going to walk through a topic which is probably one of the most commonly asked questions for a believer in some ways.

What is God’s will for me, or how do I make decisions? We all do it in different ways throughout our lives. Katie and I have spent a lot of time engaging with college level students over the years, and it seems like that question comes up a lot and we get it here at the agency at multiple levels.

And we developed a lot of resources in different ways to support this idea of biblical decision making. Or how do we think about it? Today’s conversation is just to walk through a few of those principles and really just mainly if you’re thinking about if you’re helping someone walk through this decision-making process, how do we do that?

What are questions to ask? What are topics that come up? What are things we might engage in? How do we best support those as they make biblical decision? So, Isaac, Katie, thanks for being here and Isaac, I’m going to start with you and with this picture here. Okay. So, you, you have a picture of a young woman blindfolded reaching out. What’s in your mind with this?

Yeah, well I’ll just start by saying, you guys help a lot of people having questions about making life decisions, and I need a lot of help. And I have a lot of questions regarding life decisions. So, this is a representation of me oftentimes. So, the main point of this is when you start getting into the realm of helping people make life decisions from a biblical basis, there’s a couple of foundational principles that tend to bubble up with pretty much every interaction.

And one of them takes the form of this, like, what do we do with this idea of faith versus logic? Like, are those things opposed? Is there a dichotomy there? And so, one of the things that I think is helpful just from the get-go to clarify I think a misunderstanding about biblical faith.  Really, I think there’s a common misconception that faith is a blind thing and blind in the sense that it’s random, like it’s directionless.

Which is where this picture is coming from, just grasping at the air, hoping to hold on to something. But faith isn’t blind in that sense. So, 2 Corinthians 5:7 tells us that faith is actually kind of a seeing that enables us to walk confidently. Hebrews 11:1 defines it as the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

To be something hoped for is not like wishful thinking, like, I hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow, but the weatherman says there’s a 98% chance. Okay. That’s not the kind of hope for that. We talk about with faith, the Greek word translated there actually indicates a confident expectation of something.

And so, from the beginning we want to talk about when we are making decisions in a bit from a biblical framework. It’s one of confident trust in a person in Jesus and the God of the Bible and that he is someone who is trustworthy and it’s not this dichotomy of faith and logic because it’s the most reasonable thing that you can do to put your confidence in the God of the Bible who has demonstrated faithfulness over and over again.

So, to really push that interplay of those two. That it’s not illogical to have faith. And that to be faithful doesn’t mean you have to throw logic out the window and just blindly trust or blindly go on. They’re in a beautiful relationship together. Right. I think they hold into each other. So, with that framework, we’re going to engage us with faith and godly wisdom or biblical wisdom. That’s how we’re going to approach decision making.

Katie let’s actually go into this part just a little bit more. So, what this does is it gives you quite a bit of choice, perhaps. Right. So, we’re aligning ourselves with biblical realities. That’s our goal in making a decision. And so, within the Bible we’re given boundaries for the things that are good and right and get away from the things that are bad on the perimeter. That’s the outside barrier, right?

There are parameters of what’s within Scripture and maybe what’s outside of Scripture. And so, we are given freedom to work within those boundaries. So, you could have an example of a college student, 20-year-old Billy, on campus of ISU or wherever and we have choices 1, 2, 3, 4 here.

Choice 1 might be he goes home for the weekend and visits his family. Okay. Spend some time with his parents. Choice 2 he goes to the library, does some studying for an exam coming up, okay? Seems like a fine choice. Choice 3, connect with his roommate, some friends on campus there, spending time, getting coffee, listening to them, what they’re going through in life. Hanging out, that’s a hangout. Hanging out, but intentionally hanging out, you know? And then choice 4 is like, hey, I heard about a bar crawl that’s going on or something. Okay, let’s go day drinking. So, you’ve got a free weekend. How do I spend that time? Right. And you laid out four scenarios, right.

One of which is obviously outside of the bounds of Scripture, not appropriate. The other three all would have redeeming values. And all could be right, or would be the right choice. Is that what you’re saying? Is there some flexibility there? Some freedom there in decision making?

Right, right, exactly. And so, the question isn’t there’s one choice. It’s obvious one is a sinful choice. That’s s outside of the balance. And so, then the choices within you can think as you mature in this process, you start asking the question what’s not sinful.

And you start asking what actually is going to bring me closer to Jesus. Sure. For the purpose of today’s webinar, we’re talking about the canvas in front of us and not outside of God’s bounds. Obviously, right. We’re talking about that free will within the canvas you see in front of me, within God’s Word and within God’s alignment.

But what it does do, I think, as well, is, sometimes you can hear, and we see this, where you can almost get paralyzed about, like, what is, of those choices, one, two, and three, what is the exact one that I need to do? Right? And if I don’t choose that exact one, all good choices, all God honoring in some way, shape, or form, if I don’t choose that exact one, then have I outstepped?

Right. And so, what you’re saying, Isaac, if I’m catching you right, is that there’s a level of flexibility. There’s a level of freedom there which doesn’t mean that we don’t lean into God’s direction on the decisions that we make, but that we don’t hold him hostage to the place where we try to always figure out the right exact bullseye pinpoint on every single thing that we do.

I think you can do away with the anxiety. Yes. I think that’s the goal. And then the actual process, and I think we’ll see before we get to the principles and so forth of the good, better, best options, that actually is the flexibility that Arlan mentioned. But then that decision making choice.

I think if we go on to the next slide here. A lot of times when you go into a conversation with someone, somebody seeking maybe your specific counsel on a specific decision or a choice before them. In the mental health world, we like to use the word triage a lot. Considering where they’re at with some triage questions to consider for you as the mentor. We’re assuming most of you joining or watching this later on are going to be the mentor, helping support someone in their decision. That being said, thinking about where the mentee is spiritually, emotionally, and physically is a really key piece.

What do we mean by that? Spiritually, you know, do you see fruit of the Spirit within their life? What do certain disciplines look like in their life? Are they in an overcoming state? Are they flourishing? So, are there some issues or some things they’re struggling with emotionally or have unmet expectations?

Physically, are they taking care of themselves? All of those pieces play into our thinking. Where you as a mentor can speak into them because that’s a key piece. We are holistic beings, so this is like saying context matters, right? So, you are sitting down with someone you know and you’re having coffee with them. They’re wanting to talk through a decision they have to make. What you’re saying there Katie, is that okay? So, first off, it’s thinking about what’s the scenario here? What’s the context? Is this person in a healthy spot?

Yeah. Are they in an unhealthy spot? That’s going to steer our direction just a little bit in the counsel we give. It’s a little bit like our GPS locators, right? You put it down where they are in their life as they’re trying to make this decision and think about all of these parameters and choices and so forth.

And some of these triage questions will help you consider that. Talk about health at the first part. Spiritual, emotional, physically. How impactful is this decision? Are they coming to you asking for help and supporting them with a decision that is a covenantal decision like marriage or is there a little bit of wiggle room like a college occupation that type of thing. There are covenantal decisions.

Obviously, those huge impactful decisions have more weight, for sure. Or how many people does this decision affect? That is another great locator question for the mentor to put their thinking cap on. How has God spoken to them before? Now this is going to bring in the history of the relationship you have.

How long have you been in this relationship with the person? Have you seen God speak to them in a certain way before? Oftentimes we are creatures of habit and how God speaks to us one way, we kind of expect him to speak that same way again. Or have you seen fruit? Have you listened to how they’ve made a decision before in the past?

And if it was done in a healthy biblical manner and so forth, and then sometimes I like to put this last bullet there, seeking permission versus direction. How do you tell the difference? Seeking permission is an attitude of they know what decision they’re going to make already. They’re just almost coming by for the rubber stamp. Absolutely. They’re just coming to you and saying basically, you know, Katie, Arlan, Isaac, here’s what I’m going to do. Here’s what I think could happen, what do you think? Are there any red flags?

What are they thinking? Here are some of the choices before me. With your wisdom counsel, and so forth, what do the decisions look like. So just keeping that attitude of learning and leaning into a mentor, mentee relationship, I think is key. Is this list all inclusive? Not by any means? Absolutely not. But thinking about where they’re at, kind of a locator piece, spiritually, emotionally, physically.

How impactful is this decision that they’re seeking maybe some ideas from you? Has God spoken to them before? And how has he? And then seek that attitude of permission versus direction I think are some key things to keep in mind as you’re supporting people with decision making.

I want to drill into a couple of them and just speak to them a little bit more so let’s set the third point there, how has God spoken to them before? So, you have this idea, what’s John in his gospel. He says the sheep hear the shepherd’s voice, and they respond to the shepherd’s voice.

Right. And you think about that analogy that each shepherd had a distinct voice that you would literally hear and could recognize and could listen to. And so, part of it is how well can they hear the shepherd’s voice? And how has the shepherd spoken to them? Are they a person who seeks to hear. If you’re married and your spouse maybe makes decisions a different way than you do. There’s almost like a signature way that we have learned to make decisions in our relationship with the father. And often we see him manifest himself in a similar way.

I think that’s a point to consider. And so that can be helpful. Just a helpful discussion for them to have with themselves to say, how have you made decisions in the past? What does that look like? Yeah. Right. Has it been an intense time of searching out the Scriptures? Has it been a quiet stillness where you hear the Spirit work through you? Has it been working through circumstances? Has it been working through the counsel of others or that kind of a thing? It’s a great way to just strengthen their faith in life.

God has worked in the past. He has been faithful in the past. I can trust him again. Yeah, and going forward, it’s a key piece and then that fourth one I think is an important one as well because it really goes to the attitude to some extent like Yeah, God desires learnable, teachable individuals not crippled to the point where we can’t do anything.

But learnable, teachable and it can speak to that a little bit if we’re coming in overly confident versus seeking desire. So, triage, set the stage, think it through. That’s one of the first steps is okay. So where is this person at? What’s the decision? Because it’s going to, I think it will affect how we then go into the next place.

Where now we’ve laid out principles. Okay. And you’ll see this. And other materials that we’ve done at ACCFS podcast courses, different things. But there’s eight principles we kind of lay out here to think, these are things to think about in decision making. This is not a formula. It’s not like you go one, two, three, four, you know, back up, you do it again.

Which is misleading because we do have. With a little arrow there, right? Finish with bullets. Bullet one, bullet two. It’s not meant to be a formula, right? It’s meant to be, these are things to consider and think about. And some more. Will be there’s an individuality to this. Every situation can, can kind of highlight some versus others, but we’re going to walk through these together.

Very high level and just raise some questions. So often you see. In decision making as you work with individuals support them in the local decision making and the concept here is not just to talk through these principles because we do have a vast variety of resources like Arlan mentioned, but also, I think, and I hope to provide a few questions that maybe a mentee is asking that will help you sort through are they thinking of maybe Okay, is it the weight principle that they’re really struggling with?

Or is it the trust principle that they’re struggling with? So that’s kind of our goal today. An objective to have to help equip you mentors. Thank you. So, let’s go into believe and read. And Isaac, I think you’re going to be on this one. So, believe and read. Speak into these principles a little bit. Some thoughts.

Yeah. So as Katie said, some, some of the, some statements or questions that a mentee might have can serve as. as signals for a mentor of like, okay, this is something you’re going to want to lean into with them, this understanding of, okay, what do we mean by believe? So, this is really going, centering around this question of, there are a whole lot of options ahead of me.

None of them seem outside of the bounds of what’s scriptural. Yeah. So, it’s a little overwhelming, right? How do I choose which one to do? Like which, which of these choices, one, two, three are actually the right choice. And what if I make the wrong choice? And this becomes a real anxiety inducing question for a lot of people.

I don’t see where this, you know, if we can’t see, I make this choice. I don’t see how that’s going to play out. Then five years from now, maybe it’s going to be a disaster and we get paralyzed by that. Then we want to lean into this idea of belief. Okay. So, what do we actually believe about God? What do we believe about it?

Who we are to him, go ahead. Well, this is a critical piece there, right? Because it depends on your belief. You can either be making that choice all paramount and like all like deciding the rest of our future. Right? Or we can be putting ourselves into this place where we realize God is big and vast and all powerful.

Not that choices don’t matter, but that he’s bigger. But you aren’t resting, and you aren’t resting in the idea of I’m making the right choice. You’re resting in the idea that the choice that I make, that God has it and he has me. And do you see what that does for mentors? And those of you who are speaking into someone’s life, you can speak into the confidence of the character of God, more so than the decision.

Because there might be times where you as a mentor don’t know what choice one, two, or three is the best decision, the good, better, best concept. But you do know as a mentor. What Isaac and Arlan just pointed out there, the faithfulness, the character of God, the immovability, it is just That, that is as a mentor in my own realm, that is really reassuring to me that, you know what, I don’t have to have it all figured out, and I don’t have to, you know, get this decision paralysis stuck, and speak into that.

Right. So, this principle of belief, again, just kind of sum that up, is this idea that I believe in the God of the Bible, and that he is a good God, he’s a personal God, that he loves me, and that I am, I am his. Yeah, yeah. So, and then the other principle here of reading, so. As we look at the Bible and we see the parameters, it lays out.

It can be frustrating if it does that really well, but it can be frustrating for us sometimes if we approach the Bible with, I need specific instructions for this particular thing. And I feel like this has been one of my biggest struggles in my own life personally, is trying to figure it out. What is God actually telling me to do?

But I’ve got decisions to make that the Bible says nothing about. What car do I drive? What house do I buy? Who do I marry? How many kids do we have? Where do they go to school? Do I homeschool them? Like all these, but the Bible is surprisingly silent on those things. Right. And so, we have to ask the question, what is the Bible actually clear about?

And well, it’s about. This is why we paired up with the belief. It’s really closely related to well, it tells you who you can actually trust in the Bible is very clear that we can trust God throughout our lives, despite what the circumstances, even in the face of uncertainty. When things are unclear, we can trust God because the Bible gives us confidence that that is, that that’s the God that we’re serving.

It provides clarity in the person that we’re putting our trust in. And both, Isaac, speak to that underlying principle, and you’ll hear this in a lot of the principles of just the character of God in our God image. And so sometimes it’s not about the description. And helping the mentor through a specific, or the mentee, excuse me, through a specific decision, but helping them learn or unlearn potentially, if it’s an unhealthy God image, who God is and the character of God, right?

He is not a magic eight ball. He is not that thing that we used to shake, right? And like, should I buy this toothpaste? Yes, maybe, right? That, that is not the character of our God. And so to help them with that importance, God image here on the believe portion, and then the read portion as well. And to be diligent with scripture and what that looks like and so forth and helping with the care.

Right, being careful not to treat it as some totem or magical thing that. Look, we’ve probably all done this, I’ve done, you flip the Bible open, you stick your finger on the page, because I just don’t know what else to do, and I see where my finger landed, and okay God, now you spoke, can you do that? Sure. Is that probably his preferred mode of dealing with his people?

Probably not. I mean, that’s not how we would deal in most relationships, right? You know there is a relational component to this. And when we’re, when we’re reading the Scripture, it is important that we take a step back and whatever it is that we’re reading or sensing God’s direction through, that we do put it in the context of which the scripture was written.

Absolutely. So, there’s work that goes into this, there’s Scripture study, there’s working, having other people help us to understand the study of Scriptures with is always really important. That’ll come through a little bit later in the presentation. You know, I want to emphasize something there. You said this is a relate.

There’s a relational component here, right? And that’s a key aspect here. It’s a relational aspect we have with God. God is our father. If we are a believer, God desires to give us good gifts. He desires to guide us and direct us. And he has many scriptural layout examples where he has opinions of ways that we should go.

So, it’s important to seek his direction and that kind of thing. But I think it seems like what you’re saying. Is we can get to the place where our desire for certainty takes us to a place of anxiety that is not what God would desire for his Children to where we are being anxiously trying and almost, you know, almost flips all the way around where you actually, you know, kind of force God into this box to act a certain way more.

This is how you have to talk to me, or this is how it’s going to happen versus really building up the confidence and the surety of our relationship with him. I mean, I think Jesus, if you read the Gospels. He seems way more interested in you trusting God as your father. Then you just finding out where to go get dinner tonight or, or, or what, or what major to have.

That’s what happened. If you think about the, the words in red or the conversations Jesus had with his disciples and others, they were always coming, seeking a specific canvas option, like who sent this man, you know, all of these questions that he was asked, but very rarely did he give a specific, this is what you should do.

You know, he gave the principles and the parameters. And then gave them freedom. That’s a beautiful illustration piece there So this one really becomes foundational in many ways, you know kind of it speaks to the idea of their God image and how they view god to be and this is one I will say as a as a mentor Working with individuals you walk gently in this because that’s a it’s a very dear thing whenever you’re talking to someone about Their god image.

That’s a very personal thing. It’s a very dear thing that we walk gently in and coach, instruct, guide uniquely guiding those who might be opposed to themselves because of their inaccuracy of their view of God. Yeah, that’s wisdom speaking there. Let’s go on to the next two here. KD, this idea of praying and trusting.

Okay, so here’s the next two principles. We pray, obviously, as we seek to make decisions, and we trust in the midst of it. So, speak more into these. Yeah, the questions your mentee might be asking in the, in the prayer category here might be things like, I don’t have time to pray, or I’ve tried this. It’s not working.

Or if I would pray more, I would know the answer. Right? Or I’ve tried prayer. It doesn’t work. I, I, I don’t, I don’t have the answer. I was looking for. I don’t feel like God was speaking to me. And these, this, that’s a part of the prayer piece. What other rhythm? It looks like, right? Prayer is a, is a wonderful discipline that many believers do and bring us an alignment to God, right?

The habit of prayer is beautiful. But this, the rhythm of what this looks like is going to look different for everyone. So, finding wisdom and grace to submit our will to God through fervent prayer. Can, are you sensing an attitude through their prayer life or through their prayer conversation of the permissiveness or the willingness that we talked about at the very beginning?

Do you feel like in conversation they are setting aside ample time for their prayer life or the importance of prayer? What does prayer look like for them in, in this decision, but around the Right. This is, this is the conversation of, you know, what does your prayer life look like? Was it different before this decision?

Where do you see it in five years after this decision and so forth. And so realizing it’s, it’s more about the habit of this discipline and the rhythm of it versus like, I, I really want to pray fervently for this decision to be, to be made manifest and so forth. Yeah. So, so you’re really, this is an opportunity to kind of probe into that.

What is prayer life? Like what is, what is the relationship with God? Prayer is a very intimate aspect of our relationship with God. What does that look like? What’s that conversation? Is it a conversation like, Lord, please let me do this? Or is it, is a conversation like, Lord, I’m open here. I’m surrendered here.

What do you want? Never, you know, what is your will for this? You know, is prayer kind of aligning, prayer aligns ourselves to God, right? That’s our conversation with God. And so how are they approaching it? And prayer, I feel like is offered to us, to our Heavenly Father as a communication way. And sometimes I forget, we, when I’m talking to mentors, and just specifically myself, he desires our communication more than he wants to necessarily, he loves the two way obviously, but he’s anxious to hear what’s on our heart.

More than a decision or more than what that looks like. It’s that the relationship becomes absolutely and that that rhythm that cadence of bringing our need bringing our heart, bringing our desires to him in prayer. So just hearing through that, you know, what does what does prayer looks like asking them?

That’s a great question too, what does your prayer life look like? Has it? Been a habit for the past couple months or is this something that you’re all of a sudden, you know This decision is before you and now prayer is starting to become more fervent. Either way It’s an area of growth and it’s an area of relationship with God their heavenly father To grow into and to lean into and so forth and that last question there What about when God seems silent and that can speak deeply into how we respond in those cases when God seems to be silent It doesn’t seem to be speaking Do we go to this place of, like, God is absent, God is distant you know, that kind of thing, or do we go to this place of, I know God is faithful, even when he’s not a parent, you know, again, that’s just a, it’s an opportunity to kind of work.

With an individual to say, okay, so what does this, what does this look like in your life and asking them that question? You know, when has God shown himself faithful? Maybe when he had seen them before in your life, or if there is a young reminding ourselves of past vision. Absolutely. And if it’s a young believer, we’re in scripture, did God seem silent and yet.

Proved faithful throughout life and scripture is full of it to remind them of that. Let’s go on to the trust component, which kind of dovetails nicely to this looking through and trusting. You’re going to hear questions from a mentee that are just like, I haven’t made good decisions in the past, or I don’t trust myself with this decision.

It seems too big. It just seems so big and hard and. The trust piece, this is where maybe I think Arlen, maybe you refer to the decision paralysis kind of comes in. Like, this is just so hard and there’s so many good options. I just won’t make a decision or I’ll just keep kind of procrastinating the decision and so forth.

And so, another piece here that comes in and that you might hear from a mentee from time to time is what if I ruin the decision? What if I miss it? What if I fail? In God’s blessing for this decision just kind of reorienting that around to the trust of God’s character, trusting God’s character over the circumstance of the decision, trusting in the perfect person, like the third bullet there says, rather than the perfect decision.

For some reason we just put this anxiety on ourselves that it has to be of the good, better, best option. If I don’t choose the best. 99.9 % of the time I have missed the blessing. God has given us and just kind of reorienting that around the trust component of the character of God within the decision.

The decision. There are hard decisions. There are a lot of hard decisions. But knowing that there is. There is flexibility within the character of God is important that is bigger than us. Yeah. So, I see a lot of overlap here and I think we’ll see that within these principles. Again, this is another principle where we’re, we’re speaking to this level of like, okay, is who is God to, to this individual you’re working with?

How do they view him? How do they view his character? His God image, right? Once you develop that belief, which you talked about in the last slide, then you can exercise trust, which is putting that into action, making your decision, knowing that Jesus is faithful. Absolutely. Trusting. I love that third bullet there.

Trusting in the perfect person rather than the perfect decision and helping them with that. That brings the anxiety level down. That helps. Knowing that they’re grounding their decision and the character. The other thing I really love about all this too is that I think we keep coming back to this idea that it’s a relational experience.

The idea of making decision is not just about making the decision but it’s an opportunity for a mentee to develop their relationship with God. Yeah, and he’s more interested in relationships and decisions, often, right? So, like all these principles, I think, continue to drive us back to how is the mentee connecting with their Heavenly Father as they approach this decision, right?

And I will say then we’ll go on to waiting and seeking is the next two but again personality factors in here as well, too. I mean if you are a very logical thought-out point by point type person, you’re going to really be desiring a God that works that way, right? If I do A, B, and C, then D is the correct response.

And, and sometimes I think you see God say, seek me more than that logical piece. I don’t want to overstate it because he loves relationships and engagement. If you are a person who is a very relational person by nature, then this type of decision making maybe becomes a little bit easier.

It’s easier to say, I’m going to lean into my relationship with God. But then sometimes you’ll find that point of, well, you still have to decide. You still have to take that step. So, knowing your mentee, knowing who they are, how they’re wired also has an impact as to how we step into these different principles.

So, let’s go into these next two waiting and seeking. So, Isaac speak into this whole idea of waiting on the Lord versus waiting on nothing or waiting and doing nothing. What does waiting look like? When is waiting too long? So, if the mentee comes to you saying something like I’ve just got to know right now, waiting is really hard. Or if God isn’t answering this question of mine, then he’s not paying attention to me if he’s not answering it right now. And what does that say about my place before God? And these things can start to spiral. And so, understanding this idea of waiting and understanding what we’re up against as mentors working with people that are in a culture that people are bathed in a culture of instant gratification.

Amazon Prime one day shipment. Netflix stream it immediately. Everything is at the touch of a finger. And so just understanding that we are in a culture that is so counter this idea of waiting is interesting. And so waiting itself is actually a key part of following Jesus. I think there’s a lot of things that happen in the waiting for Christ’s instructions.

The disciples go wait in Jerusalem for the power of God to come upon them. There are important things that happen in the waiting. And while you’re waiting, if things seem silent, back to the prayer point two if things seem quiet in the waiting. It’s important that we don’t give into the temptation to, as a bullet here says, superimpose your thoughts to God or to whatever you’re thinking that you’re assigning that to God he must allow, or he must be directing. Speak to that a little bit more. What do you mean by superimpose your thoughts?

So, in waiting, again that anxiety can start to come up to say, God is just not into me. We start to assign attributes to him that aren’t accurate. The wait itself in our own thoughts should not go onto the character of God, I think is a better way to clarify that.

That’s good. I think one thing that’s been good for me just to consider is how long life is. And I think often when we talk to individuals who are making decisions. Again, maybe I’m a little bit biased by working more with 20 somethings or whatnot, where it seems like to wait 2 months for a decision or 6 months for a decision seems like an eternity, or God, why haven’t you answered me by now?

When the reality is God’s interested in those decades long work. I remember once I read through the book of Acts, and you can read through the book of Acts in an hour or two. Just read through the whole thing. Well, and it looks like an amazing book with all these things happening. And God’s clear direction and all this just building of the church, that kind of thing. Well, the book takes place over decades. And we’re only told about enough that you can read through in about an hour. I mean, there’s a lot that happens in the cracks. There’s a lot that’s happening in the in between times that probably look pretty mundane, that probably looked pretty like day to day, that was a lot of periods of waiting, to your point.

And so, I think part of it is helping us just get our mind frame to say, you know, it’s important. Decisions are important, but I could be making them into a bigger, more immediate deal than what they’re supposed to be. And patience is something to lean into perhaps.

I just think this is part of the decision-making process that God is forming you into a certain type of person. And oftentimes we all need to be more patient people. And so, he’s going to cause us to wait on some things. But even to your point, I think it’s into that last bullet there under waiting on the Lord versus waiting on nothing.

So, when we’re called to wait on the Lord. It doesn’t mean that nothing is happening. In Acts, as you say, there are a lot of things happening that aren’t even explicitly stated to us. Things are still happening even when the Lord’s direction isn’t explicitly stated. Waiting is not apathetic Christian living, right?

Waiting is waiting for the Lord to maybe direct or move or speak or move some puzzle pieces into order. But that’s not like just living in apathy. Well, I’m just still waiting on the Lord, you know, that’s not an apathetic Christian attitude, right? You aren’t just shutting yourself up in a room saying I’m not going to do anything until God answers me for this thing.

I guess it’s coming up, but I think we’ve called it active waiting. And other times we’ve talked about this there are things that God desires biblically. And so be purposeful in doing those things. Continue to walk with Him. Absolutely. Continue to love, to engage, those kinds of things. Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your Lord, all of that. Absolutely.

So, talk about seek then. Seek gets a little bit of this idea of seeking the Lord’s house. We’ve talked about that, I think, in other contexts. Seeking wise counsel is, I think, a little bit of what we’re talking about here, right, Isaac?

What would you say to this? Yeah, well, so we’ll start this one with, again, like a mentee is coming saying, I really need to have this all figured out. I look around me. Others don’t seem to need as much help as I seem to need. Okay? Other people seem to have it all together and so that leads us into this idea of seeking.

When we’re talking about seeking, we’re talking about wise counsel from other people, bringing in other perspectives. Being willing to be vulnerable in relationships between a mentee and a mentor and others in our Christ communities, our churches is important. But you also have some people who have been burned in the past and they might be saying things like, well, I’m not sure that I actually trust other people.

Maybe I’ve shared something with someone and that’s gotten out and confidentiality is definitely a key. And so, you’re going to have to be wise in counseling someone. How do you find people to seek out to help you with this decision? And so, we have some bullets here on the slide about characteristics of people that you’ll want to seek counsel from.

The first one we have is someone not of your age group, necessarily. That doesn’t mean don’t speak to people in your age group about decisions you’re making, but it’s just getting this idea about the value of perspective and people who have walked the path perhaps longer.

So, I think in general, people who are older than you are good places to go. The main thing is just finding spiritually mature people who are exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit that you trust that God has worked in. People who have knowledge of you, and to your point, this is all really personal stuff, and it actually varies person to person.

Back to your triage questions, about what sort of counsel you’ll give. And I think it’s important for people who know you or at least willing to get to know you through this process and not just some guy sitting up on the top of the hill that you climb up to you like I need an answer to this.

He’s like six option B. Yes, it’s okay. Now, walk back down the hill. Okay. Not quite like that. Yeah, I will say from a mentor perspective on this principle, I’m thankful you brought up some of the characteristics because what happens if a young woman comes to me or a young mom or something, I do find actually as a mentor, I find comfort and solace and kind of that Proverbs concept of amongst a group of believers, there is wisdom.

And by just asking, am I the only one that you shared some of this with or you’re thinking through, or is there someone else? And if they share, or I just listen, honestly, a lot of times it’s just listening. I’ll be like, oh, so you did share that with someone. What were their thoughts on this?

It’s amazing how the Spirit uses the Body to work together in an individual’s life for that growth and for that, whether it’s a specific decision or just general growth. And as a mentor specifically when they’re like, oh, I’m not crazy. And I was thinking this, something similar. So, it is just using that Spirit, using that body of believers is really powerful when you think of the seat principle.

We can’t separate God’s direction from the direction of his people, who quite literally, are just his hands and feet on this earth. I think a couple of things with this counsel piece. There is a place to engage with peers and to learn from peers and to get some input from peers.

But then there’s also a place to get input from those who have walked down the path a little bit longer, who have maybe seen God work in different places, who have maybe gone through hard things and come out on the other side, or whatever. So, we’re not saying a person shouldn’t talk to their peers, like you said, Isaac, but that there should be a level of balance in the perspectives they’re getting.

I think the other thing I’ve seen is you could have individuals who almost go to everybody and talk to everybody about the same thing and you’re seeking so many points of view what actually what can happen is they can just get overwhelmed with all this input.

And so, there’s a balance here where sometimes the wisdom and the counsel are a trusted few that I go deep with that know me intimately because that’s a whole level of openness that we open ourselves up to seek counsel. We say, hey, I don’t have it all figured out. I need help figuring it out.

And I’m willing to admit that I don’t have it all figured out. I’m going to be vulnerable to that level and seek input. But who are those trusted few that can help steer and walk through life together? I think it’s interesting watching. It seems like you almost fall into a ditch on either side.

You have individuals that you think are generational. I don’t know, or just a back-and-forth pendulum thing. But sometimes you have people who are like, I’m not going to get any counsel. I’m going to figure this out on my own. To an extreme that way to where like I’m going to get counsel from everybody, you know to an extreme that way.

And so, trying to balance that there is a real sign there. Yeah, that’s one of the special opportunities of a mentor to help people walk through that and like you can be their person. And help them to sort through the many other people who are the ones who would be most helpful.

And that’s a really trusted space. And to your point earlier, Katie, it’s a humbling thing to walk into that. And it’s not for someone who has this inclination to say, I like to tell people what to do. That’s not going to be a good thing. It’s going to be, okay, let’s walk through and listen to God together.

Yep. That’s a critical attitude shift that’s really important. Let’s make that work. Last two and then we’ll bring it towards a more of a close here. Walking and resting. Walking and resting. Katie, go ahead. Some questions mentees might be asking that maybe direct you to this principle versus some of the other ones as let’s go to the walking one first.

I just can’t figure out, God, or why is this so hard? It’s always hard for me to make a decision. What should I be doing to make a decision? Or where is God when I really need him? Like that walking piece. I’ll be really honest, this walking one, if you are encouraging someone whose spiritual life is struggling already with their view of God or just different things that are going on in their life, this is a really hard relationship to encourage.

Walking with someone and pointing them towards the principle of a healthy God image and healthy decision making. That is really hard when they are struggling spiritually. That is not an easy, encouraging relationship. And it’s hard to encourage, not just because the spiritual disciplines, prayer or whatever, are not present, but because they are likely, they are that picture that Isaac put up at the very beginning. They are the ones that are in a hard spiritual spot. They are grasping. I have a decision. I just need to make an answer. And so, helping them mentor should continually encourage them, whether they’re at a spiritually hard spot or not towards small baby steps forward motion.

It’s a forward motion towards the Savior. Decisions are more easily made when faced with a healthy relationship with God that is 1 plus 1 equal 2, obviously, but helping them know that you are with them in pointing them towards the healthy spiritual piece.

And sometimes it comes in small baby steps and in the forward motion of walking with God in that. Can I point out something? We didn’t necessarily talk about this beforehand, but I think it’s really interesting that this brings up this idea that there might be two ways to walk with God. And one is, I’m walking with God so that I make the right decisions.

I’m walking with God to have my good life cause effect. So, there’s this idea that I walk with God and out of that life decisions are made. It’s almost like there are two different motives there and as a mentor, there’s an opportunity perhaps for you to dive into that. How do you actually view your walk with god?

Is he just serving you and we have turned him into a servant? Can I affirm that just with a personal example? I remember well, I was in my young mid 20s and I had a decision to make. I didn’t know, and I don’t even remember exactly the decision, and it wasn’t life changing and yet it was something that was weighing on me, and I was walking with God, but I was really so fixated on the decision, trying to make the decision, that it would influence everything else that I was doing. And I sensed in the midst of that one point, God just says, you know what, just let this rest for a while and just focus on me. And about 2 weeks later, I can tell you exactly the place where I was, and I was landscaping at the time as a summer job. And I remember the answer came to me just out of the blue, right out of that relationship of just communion with the father, as opposed to being so fixated on walking with him to get something out of him, a right decision.

So, I think there’s a balance there. That’s really important to remember. Because I think we all have this drive. Perhaps maybe it’s personality based, but this drive to live a life of integrity so that God will be with me and he’ll answer my prayers when I need him to answer rather than just living with integrity when I really need something from God. That’s that one way versus I’m going to live a life of integrity. And out of that comes a relational walk with God where decisions become non anxious for me now. Because I’m actually learning to trust God.

The person that I’m walking with. It’s not hard. It is a big decision, but it’s not a hard decision. It doesn’t always have to be. Well, the anxiety maybe isn’t as high because you found the Father. He’s trusted with his presence. We have learned to trust in his presence.

And that’s just maturity. That’s real maturity. That is real Christian maturity. And that segues into the rest. And to the rest portion, not the decision paralysis of remembering God is sovereign, remembering that God is omnipotent. We can say He is sovereign.

We rarely remember that God is also a redeemer of mistakes and broken things. If we look in Scripture, God is very much a redeemer of mistakes and broken things. And just helping your mentee remember that. Questions are going to come with this rest principle. If I make the wrong choice, oh, I’m relegated to God’s plan B or I’m so scared to make that wrong decision.

You know, they have that canvas of one, two, or three in front of them like we showed at the beginning, and they just can’t pull the trigger. They’re just not resting. They’re not remembering that God didn’t create rest. He is rest. He is there. That character, that piece is there and going towards that versus the decision.

This is an important principle, I think, especially in our super anxious culture. I have so many options, right? There are so many options for today’s younger generations, especially and the options are endless. The choices are in rest and to help them not get paralyzed, remembering that God is sovereign that he is rest.

And that he can, right? He is also the redeemer of mistakes and broken things through those decisions, and I want to bring this balance. We’ve talked about this before; it’s not saying that God doesn’t have an opinion or God doesn’t have input into these decisions and it just is wide open.

But a healthy study sometimes, maybe this is with your mentee or just with yourself, is to look through the Scriptures with that lens. Lord, show me where you worked in your Scriptures and redeemed poor choices by individuals. And let that be a faith builder, as you just see over and over again how God is able to work poor choices for good in his way and in according to his promises as he said he’s going to do.

But the ultimate one with this one, I think, is that it should put us to a place of okay God, I’m going to trust you to do your thing. I’m going to do my best. I’m going to seek and desire to know and to follow and be obedient but there’s also a level of trust where I know that he’s got me.

And I think that’s a critical, beautiful aspect there. So, let’s bring this to a close here. So again, going back then to these triages. These are the questions context matters. You can interpret all of these principles a little bit differently. The mentee is not in a healthy spot, or if they have a really weighty decision, a really critical decision that’s different than if it’s a more of, which summer job am I going to take, type thing.

And how has God worked with them before, spoken with them, building that relationship piece, all these things factor into how we step into, as I was speaking, the beautiful thing about this triage had to put on is if your relationship with your mentee lasts for several years, let’s say 4 or 5 plus years, the likelihood of where they’re at in 2024, versus maybe 2029, it’s going to change in that amount of time.

So, this is that context that Arlan was referring to. That is that GPS locator point in time. Where are they at? Where are they thinking? And to help you as mentors to be encouraged and helping drive in where they’re at in their life. Isaac, any other thoughts as you think about this overall topic of supporting people with biblical decision making?

Any final thoughts? I appreciate the conversation, honestly I think it’s a really wonderful opportunity when people are faced with decisions. That they feel very deep, like if they’re coming to you with a decision, they feel deeply about it. And there’s a whole lot of opportunity there for you to dive into things that really matter to people, find out why they matter to people, and then to just approach them with love and understanding. You’d mentioned this earlier, that maybe this is just a point to bring out again, that there’s complexity in all of this. Life really is complex and anyone who tells you otherwise has got maybe an ulterior motive or selling something.

Yeah, life is hard. And we need people to just guide us and comfort us and put their arm around us as we walk through it. Katie, any thoughts as you think through? No, I agree with Isaac. It’s been a great discussion and I’m thankful that we’ve all had mentors in our life to help us with some of these principles.

It’s beautiful to see the body work in that fashion. If you have any questions or thoughts you’d like to ask, feel free to either chat them in or unmute your mics and ask them. While you’re doing that, or framing it up, I just want to call attention to some of the other resources we have in this space on our website.

And these will be linked on the webinar page where you’ll find the recording of this webinar. But we have, of course, the local decision-making course that you can actually walk through individually. People can walk through it with someone. It’s a great opportunity as a mentor mentee type relationship just to walk through some of these principles at a little bit different level. There’s a biblical decision-making document. If you like to read and work through that, we have a series of documents on this topic. And then there are podcasts that we’ve recorded again, on this.

If you go to our website, accounseling.org and search biblical decision making in the search bar. All these things will come up right there in front of you. And so, our prayer and our hope always with any of our resources, is that they can be an encouragement and point you closer to the Savior. That’s really the key because he has the answers.

And we want to point you towards him. Thank you for joining. Thank you for the work that you are doing with others to support them, encourage them, mentor them, disciple them in your lives, in your context. Deeply value that as the body of Christ does what the body of Christ is called to do to nurture and encourage each other and build each other up.

So, God’s blessings in that work. Encourage you to keep looking for other webinars that we have available resources on our website and blessings on your day.