Parenting without Shame Podcast Episode

Shaming our kids – good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We’ve all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.

What is Shame?
The idea that a person is, at their core, bad, unwanted and beyond repair.

Effects of Shame.

• Shame pushes your child into isolation.
• Shame says there is no hope. Because I’m broken and no one wants me.

Examples of Parental Shame.

• “I don’t care!”
• “You are the only 10-year-old who doesn’t get this!”
• “You will never amount to anything!”
• “You will never get it right!”

High-stakes Moments for Shame.

• When our kids are being creative.
• When our kids are being vulnerable.
• When we downplay interests and abilities that they have because they don’t match our expectations.
• When we don’t care about what they care about.
• When we are critical of them about things that cannot be changed.
• When our kids behave badly.

How do we unwind Shame?

• Call your child out from hiding and into community.
• Enjoy your kids.
• Celebrate their person.
• Show your kids approval.

Discipline that doesn’t Shame.

• Separates their behavior from their personal worth.
• Breaks the will but not the spirit.
• Support guilt where it is appropriate.

Nature of Shame.

• Shame shames.
• We will shame and will be shamed.
• Shame plays on lies and perpetuates lies.
• Depending on what meaning our kids create from a situation, even a non-shaming intent can incite shame.
• Christ took our shame. The gospel is the scrub that shame requires.

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