What if I’m in a Mixed-Orientation Marriage?

  • A mixed-orientation marriage is one in which one of the spouses is straight while the other spouse is attracted to the same-sex or bisexual.
  • Like all marriages, these have unique challenges. Fortunately, healthy mixed-orientation marriages exist and are a viable option for marriage and family among those who experience same-sex attraction. It is important to remember that marriage itself, does not change one’s sexual orientation or “cure” same sex attraction.
  • Mixed-orientation marriages face unique challenges. Therefore, it is important that those considering entering a mixed-oriented marriage should seek counsel and spiritual guidance prior to entering into marriage.
  • Mixed-orientation marriages offer the church a critically important example. Sexual intimacy looks different in mixed-orientation marriages. In many cases, it plays a far less significant role in couple intimacy and oneness. Beautifully, these marriages make more room for emotional and spiritual oneness. Intimacy is expanded to include much more than the physical – a very welcome lesson for marriages today.

A great many voices speak into the issues surrounding LGBTQ. Each one attempts to make sense of experience in light of truth as they see it. Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services is no different. We engage this topic believing that God is the Creator, and each human has been created in his image and for his glory. We understand the Bible to be God’s Word and our source of truth. We believe in the historic Christian view of marriage as the covenanted union between one man and one woman. We believe each of us has been touched by the brokenness of this world, and yet, God works in our broken circumstances to align our hearts to his.

For Further Information

An Impossible Marriage: What Our Mixed-Orientation Marriage Has Taught Us About Love and the Gospel amazon.com
Author: Laurie Krieg and Matt Krieg
In this 224-page book, Laurie and Matt Krieg share about their mixed-orientation marriage: a marriage in which at least one partner’s primary attraction isn’t toward the gender of their spouse. In the Kriegs’ case, Laurie is primarily attracted to women―and so is Matt. Some find the idea of mixed-orientation marriage bewildering or even offensive. But as the Kriegs have learned, nothing is impossible with God―and that’s as true of their marriage as anyone else’s. In An Impossible Marriage, the Kriegs tell their story: how they met and got married, the challenges and breakthroughs of their journey, and what they’ve learned about marriage along the way. Christianity teaches us that marriage is a picture of Jesus’ love for the church―and that’s just as true in a mixed-orientation marriage as in a straight one. With vulnerability and wisdom, this book lays out an engaging picture of marriage in all its pain and beauty. It’s a picture that points us, over-and-over again, to the love and grace of Jesus―as marriage was always meant to do.

Laurie Krieg: Equipping the Church with a Gospel-Centered Approach to Marriage and Sexuality Laurie and her husband, Matt Krieg, are a mixed-orientation couple. They have a helpful blog and podcasts about Christianity and sexuality. They also provide consultations, a video-based workshop, and coaching sessions.

Marital Crossroads: Navigating Disclosure of Same-Sex Attraction by Mark Yarhouse and Emma Bucher is a workbook for the heterosexual spouse whose husband or wife has disclosed an experience of same-sex attraction. It journeys through coming to terms with the reality of this experience. It also supports the spouse with identifying adaptive coping strategies to effectively manage the emotions that arise. Further, this resource is an aid in considering pathways moving forward and making decisions over time about how to navigate this new reality.

Is it ever responsible for people with same-sex attraction to get married?  [Sean Doherty]

Testimonies from Real Couples

What I’ve learned after eight years in my mixed-orientation marriage  [Laurie Krieg]

Sean and Gaby’s Story:  Sean and Gaby Doherty have a mixed-orientation marriage. Sean is one of the facilitators of Living Out a ministry to support Christians who experience same-sex attraction.

What Is a Mixed Orientation Marriage? In this blog post, Nate and Sara Collins, share what a mixed-orientation marriage is and describe theirs. [CFSG]