The Marital Drift Assessment

This brief assessment is designed to gauge the emotional closeness within your marriage. The questions posed also provide practical ways for you to enrich your marriage. The intense emotions that characterized your early days of love can return more frequently when you work at creating intimacy. Take this quiz to gauge your emotional closeness.

In the last month, have you and your spouse:

  1. Kissed passionately without making love?
  2. Gone out on a date without friends or the kids?
  3. Held hands?
  4. Talked at length about something other than the kids, money, schedules, household needs or conflicts?
  5. Done something special for each other?
  6. Shared a spiritual-growth experience?
  7. Prayed together (other than at mealtime)?

In the last six months, have you and your spouse:

  1. Gone for a long walk?
  2. Laughed together until your sides hurt?
  3. Discussed your marital strengths and weaknesses?
  4. Written a love note to each other?
  5. Varied your lovemaking?

In the last year, have you and your spouse:

  1. Gotten away for at least three nights without kids?
  2. Shared hopes and fears concerning your marriage and family over the next one year? Five years? Ten years?
  3. Verbally renewed your commitment to each other to honor, love, cherish and remain faithful until death?

Your Drift Score:

If you answered yes to 12 or more of these, you probably feel emotionally connected and “in love.” Crank it up to 15 and you’ll feel closer still.

If you answered yes to between five and eleven of the questions, you may have begun settling for an “average” marriage. Start making changes today.

If you answered yes to fewer than five questions, your marriage is in serious drift mode. Both of you should invest heart and soul into reconnecting. Start practicing the things on this list. The rewards are worth your efforts.

Adapted from Tim Gardner, “How to Date Your Spouse.” Today’s Christian Woman, September 2008,

To view complete PDF, click here.

For Further Information:

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference
Author: Shaunti Feldhahn
This 256-page book reveals how being intentional about small, practical helps within your marriage can lead to a vibrant relationship. This book is recommended for those seeking to enrich their relationship.


A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage  (2nd Edition)
Authors: Scott Stanley, Daniel Trathen, Savanna McCain, Milton Bryan
This 352-page book teaches practical communication, conflict resolution, and problem-solving skills within a Christian framework. The 2nd edition is filled with teaching from Scripture, couple exercises at the end of each chapter, as well as the latest research on marriage. This book can be helpful to young couples just starting their relationship and for married couples who are having marital conflict.