Rebuilding Trust In A Relationship

Rebuilding trust in a relationship can be difficult, painful, and at times confusing. However, the journey is worth the pain when it leads to restoration and transformation of a relationship. For many, it is difficult to know what to expect in rebuilding trust. What are unrealistic and realistic expectations I should have for someone who has betrayed me? Please find below some helpful principles to guide the process of rebuilding trust. These principles have been organized by using the acronym BRAVING, because rebuilding trust and connection with someone takes courage.

Boundaries – I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and hold to them as well as respect my boundaries.

Reliability – I trust you if you do what you repeatedly say you are going to do.

Accountability – I trust you when you are willing to own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends and when you expect the same from me.

Vault – I trust you when you hold, in confidence, what I share with you and you expect me to do the same. In addition, you show a respect of my story as well as other people’s story, thus you don’t gossip about others to me.

Integrity – I trust you when you act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same. Integrity is choosing 1) courage over comfort, 2) what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy and 3) practicing, not just professing values.

Nonjudgment – I trust you when I am allowed to fall apart and ask for help without being judged by you and vice versa. Value is not assigned to needing help.

Generosity – I trust you when you assume the most generous things about my words, intentions, and behaviors and then check in with me to confirm.

Trust is built through the small moments of day-to-day life, not just in big moments. The connection of trust is also forged through relationships when individuals are willing to ask for help, not just give help. It is an act of vulnerability and courage.

Adapted from The Anatomy of Trust, Brene Brown.

For Further Information:

Rebuilding Trust in a RelationshipBeyond Boundaries:
Authors: John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud
How do you know you’re ready to trust again … and what does it take to be ready? Painful relationships violate our trust, causing us to close our hearts. But to experience the freedom and love God designed us for, we eventually have to take another risk. In this breakthrough book, bestselling author Dr. John Townsend takes you beyond the pain of the past to discover how to re-enter a life of intimate relationships. Whether you’re trying to restore a current relationship or begin a new one, Townsend gives practical tools for establishing trust and finding the intimacy you long for.


Rebuilding Trust in a RelationshipWorthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back
Authors: Stephen Arterburn & Jason B. Martinkus
Few challenges in life are as difficult as regaining a wife’s trust—and few are as ultimately worthwhile. Written primarily for men who have fallen into sexual sin, this book speaks to the issue of rebuilding trust in a marriage. It is filled with exercises and tools rooted in counseling principles, as well insights from the wife’s perspective.