Recovering from Sexual Betrayal Podcast Episodes

When it comes to betrayal, Matt, it strikes to the very core of the safety in a relationship, but also us as individuals, right? Who I am in this relationship. Welcome friends to Breaking Bread, the podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. I’m glad to have Kaleb Beyer on the line here today. 

Looking forward to our discussion here, Matt. Our listeners may notice a little bit of a decrease in sound quality here in this episode. We hope that you can bear with us on that. But we’re able to connect through sound waves, audio waves, cyber waves. I don’t even know what kind of waves these are anymore. 

So, we’ve got an especially sensitive and important topic to discuss here today, Kaleb, and that is sexual betrayal. And you have recently updated our website at accounseling.org with a web page devoted to sexual betrayal with a number of links. I’ve spent some time on that and have found it to be just loaded with really important content. 

And I really would like Kaleb to just highlight that and really provide some much-needed hope in this space as it concerns marriages with sexual betrayal. And I want to set up a little bit, the forest from the trees, and then turn to you. And start to define and flush out what we mean by sexual betrayal. 

We’ll start there, but you share really nicely in the webpage layout, as you call them, six signposts of this journey through sexual betrayal. And those signposts are disclosure, trauma, triggers, addictions, boundaries, and forgiveness. Those six words are heavily loaded with important content to help coach a couple through these difficult waters. 

There’s something to know about each of those. And I’m also here in this setup part here, Kaleb, this conversation is not just to the betrayed. It is also to the betrayer. We want to speak about this issue to both, because both are precious in God’s sight. Yes. Both are precious in our sight, and both are precious in the marriage’s sight. 

So critical. Yeah, critical and really, Matt, just a really different reality and as you walk through even these signposts, their experience in those different places is going to look very differently and sometimes that can be a very frustrating and difficult painful part of the process. Each of these signposts take a different nuance whether I’m betrayed or whether I am the betrayer. Yes, but I think really critical information for each. 

Let’s start with sexual betrayal. What is it? Help us understand what it is we’re talking about.  So, sexual betrayal focuses specifically on betrayal in the area of sexual relationships. So, there’s many types of betrayals we could communicate. Certainly here, we’re talking about sexual betrayal. So that is acting out in a sexual way, despite covenantal vow to remain faithful. 

And so, this can come in the form, Matt, of an affair, of a one-night stand, it can come in an ongoing affair that’s happening over months, years, can also happen through pornography as well, or sexting. And so, any kind of acting out sexually outside of the context of marriage and the covenantal relationship and vow that was made, we would refer to as sexual betrayal. 

And I think that’s really helpful for us to see that because each of those are different. We’re going to try to paint with some fine brushes, but we can’t escape the broad brushes as well. I mean, when we talk about sexual betrayal, we’re talking about lots of nuanced situations that are all very different. 

I mean, you take the affair, for example, that might be emotion laden, and to a sex addict who, you know, has a different emotional state component. Yeah. Am I right about that? Absolutely. And even within affairs, Matt, what we find is there’s a different context for making sense of how it came to be that affair happened. 

And so, there are many nuances in each of these scenarios. And so, we are painting a fairly broad brush and also recognizing there are specific unique qualities to each of these that are helpful. And really one of the signposts is understanding and recognizing that uniqueness here. We’re only a few minutes into this topic and our listeners know that this is a sensitive topic, and we appreciate that this is going to strike very near to many experiences. 

Why don’t you maybe speak to that? For sure. Yeah. When it comes to betrayal, Matt, really, there is a deep sense of rejection and even would refer to as abandonment that happens. And so, it strikes to the very core of both relationally, the safety in a relationship, but also us as individuals, right? 

Who I am in this relationship. And so those are of any emotions and pain the most intense and so as a result of that, as we walk through some of these topics and share some examples, they could be triggering based on where couples are at in this stage of recovery, meaning it could trigger or produce and create intense, overwhelming emotions that you may need to pause the podcast and come back later.  

But we just want to acknowledge, certainly that’s not our intent, but it isn’t uncommon for those things to happen as we’re walking through this. Well, maybe I’m going to capture, I think an important word that you used there, Kaleb, that I think is very hope filled and that’s recovery. 

You mentioned the road to recovery, so maybe let’s say here at the outset, recovery is possible. Yes, absolutely. But recovery can be painful. Yes, it will be painful. It is confusing. It’s disorienting. And so, I think having some guideposts or signs along the way that can help in the recovery process can be somewhat grounding in a very chaotic, confusing, intensely painful journey of recovery. 

Well, signposts are very hopeful in the process of moving from point A to point B. As long as I continue seeing signs of where I’m going, I know I’m on the road. So, I really love that. And I would really like to cast this whole conversation in the hope of recovery for our listeners. You heard Kaleb’s disclaimer to simply say, if this has been near to your experience, it might trigger some thoughts, some anxiety per chance. 

Take a step back. Give yourself space for that but take hope. Also, Kaleb’s going to lay out a bit of a roadmap for recovery, which is excellent. So, I’m excited about that. Yep. Looking forward to it. Let’s start with disclosure is the first signpost. And I think this really speaks to the different nuances in the sexual betrayal event or events. Tell us what disclosure is and what we mean by that, why it’s important. And then we’re probably going to need to uncover a little bit about the do’s and don’ts. Yep. So, disclosure, you can think of it as the confession or the sharing of truth. What actually happened? 

Okay. So, when a betrayal happens, we think through the process of recovery, this is like the foundation, Matt, is what is truth. The truth needs to be known, right? There needs to be an understanding of what happened because for the one who’s been betrayed, I’ve been living out of reality that apparently wasn’t truth. 

For how long, I don’t know, but we need to fill in the gap. We need to make sense of this so that, again, we can move into safety, which is the next rung on this building trust. So, the foundation is truth. And in this truth, one of the critical things, Matt, that we find in Trust Rebuilding is that the betrayed sees an outright and open confession and a sorrow for the sin, the betrayal that’s taken place in the one that’s betrayed. 

Okay. So, you’ve already launched into some specifics here, but even to back up and say, Truth is the foundation here, and the nature of betrayal means that I have been deceived in what has not been true. So, there is a complete reset that needs to start at that truth level. It’s not uncommon as couples walk through that for the betrayer to perhaps not want to disclose information because they don’t want to hurt their spouse. And so, it is critical at the outset that there is a complete disclosure. And we’ll talk more about what that means, but that truth isn’t kind of titrated out over time, because what that leads to is continued betrayals. Ongoing. What else is there? 

That’s the difficult thing for the betrayed. It is important to be clear so that we’re not dripping out more details over time. And you’re suggesting that it’s important in this disclosure that we really do it well. That’s what I’m hearing. Yep. Yep. Immediately my mind goes to now, just how much detail should be conveyed? 

Are there some bookends on that? Yep, when we think about disclosure, we would caution from two ditches. And that is, one, is too little information. The disclosure is general. In nature. For example, it happened somewhere in the time of December. I think there were a couple of occasions. I’m not sure what else happened. 

Right? So just general in nature. I forgot. And it’s not uncommon for the one who has betrayed to not remember everything. It is important to prayerfully, mindfully take time and realize this is an important piece that for them to be intentional in is helpful in rebuilding trust for their spouse. And so, making that effort, but being too general, isn’t helpful. 

On the other hand, being too specific, Matt being detailed. So, for example talking about what the affair partner was wearing or specific emotions that the affair partner had. What we want to refrain from is re-traumatizing someone who’s already been betrayed. And so, we need enough information to make sense of what happened, where it happened, when it happened, right? 

How much it cost, how much it cost. Absolutely. Where did the money come from. Yes. All those are really helpful pieces of information, but there comes a line, Matt, when we move into specifics. And so, what I really encourage spouses who have been betrayed is before you want an answer to a question, if you’re wondering, is this too much detail, is to sit on it for at least 24 hours and pray about it and consider, is this information you want to be knowing for the rest of your life? 

Is it helpful in the sense of rebuilding trust or is it purely about curiosity. I do think, and you’ve mentioned, there’s some gray here between these bookends, and I think that’s apparent. But what kind of crystallized for me is maybe on the too detailed spectrum. It would be those things that reproduce the image and the clarity so that the betrayed can replay that trauma. 

We want to avoid that. Yes. But yet having the clarity to have all the dots filled in to say, oh, that’s why he or she came home a day late from the business trip. Right. Yes. That’s when it happened to have the story is really critical. Yep. Kaleb, would there be some value in having a third-party present for a confessional, whether it be a mentor, a minister, an elder, a good friend, could that be helpful? 

Absolutely, Matt. Including someone else that’s a safe person to be able to speak into ways of doing it in a helpful way. Even simple things like perhaps thinking where this confession would happen. Right? Things like that again, help and support a healthy way of moving through this process. I would certainly encourage it, because for each of us, Matt, when we’re at a place of distress, our ability to think and reason clearly and rationally, is compromised. 

It just is. And so, I think acknowledging that is to bring others in who are mentors or trusted people or a counselor, whatever it may be to support this process. And then I know, looking at the web page and following some of the links that you had there, it was suggested to write it out. 

That might be an excellent way to consolidate your thoughts or at least to get those down. Is that right? Yeah, I think it is fair. It is for the one that is betrayed when their spouse takes the time, the energy to thoughtfully, painstakingly go through and recount what they can. It begins to communicate a message that I’m open and transparent. 

And I think that’s the important piece in the process of writing it out, thinking about it. And it takes a little bit, you know, you can’t do it in one setting, of course, but yeah, I think that’s helpful and important being willing to go through. That pain says a lot. It does to our spouse, doesn’t it? It honors their pain. 

Yes. You know what, Kaleb? And I pushed this off because I wanted to come back to it, but originally as you were talking about disclosure, you talked about remorse, and you talked about repentance being a part of that disclosure. So, I would like to highlight that. What does that important piece look like? 

Yep. The one who has betrayed their spouse for them to connect with the pain that their actions and choices have caused and being able to understand the depth of the pain that they’ve caused their spouse, that leads to a sorrow, a confession that it isn’t. You know what? I got caught. It isn’t minimizing. 

It’s not blaming. That means no excuses, which is really hard. And for the one who has been the betrayer, this may take some work and time and their own process to get to that point, but it is important to not make excuses at all, because at the end of the day, it is important for the one who’s betrayed to know they are not responsible for the behaviors that the betrayer engaged in. Yeah. Period. Certainly, there’s a context out of which the betrayed did that, and we need to understand that in time. But that does not mean that in any way the spouse is responsible for the affair, for the pornography use, for any of that. And you know what, Kaleb, I think what’s also really important here, as painful as this process is and part of what’s painful is seeing the pain of our spouse seeing them betrayed, seeing that in and of itself is really important for us, isn’t it? To see the pain that my spouse is going through as much as I would like to sugar coat and protect him or her. Yeah. Actually, that pain helps me understand perhaps the depth of my behavior and is very useful in going forward. 

It is, and I appreciate you sharing this. It is critical going forward. It is also important, I think, just to acknowledge for the one that has betrayed, there is a tremendous amount of shame involved both for the betrayer and the betrayed. But in this case, for the one that has betrayed their spouse. 

Sometimes Matt, I’ve found it in working with couples that because of their own shame, that wells up inside of you. When you think about what you did, it can be easy to get caught in that and not be present with my spouse’s shame. It’s just overwhelming. It’s too much. I cannot do it. And so that’s just to acknowledge, like you’re saying there, that is incredibly difficult to sit with. 

And so again, it may require some individual work to get to a place where I can sit with the pain of my spouse without shutting down, minimizing, or going into just getting caught up in shame which is really hard. It’s really hard. Yeah. So we’ve talked about disclosure and remember these are signposts here. 

We’re not done with the journey. And so, the next one you have there has to do with trauma and understanding trauma. Fill out this piece of it. The next signpost here is trauma. Research shows that in sexual betrayal, nearly 69 percent of individuals that experience sexual betrayal experience what’s called relational trauma. 

And you can think of trauma in short as it’s an intense, highly aroused state of individuals, in which they don’t feel safe. They’re constantly in a state of not feeling safe. Right? Okay. There’s a lot that goes into that, but the important piece here Matt, is to educate yourself, and I would say for both spouses, as to what trauma is, how it impacts people, the effect it has on emotions and communication. And so, I really hear what you’re saying here, is this disclosure launches us into a new world. 

It launches us into a completely new world that they have not been in yet. And that new world can be understood partially through the lens of what we call trauma. And if you are not aware of trauma, how it impacts people, then you’re not going to understand how your spouse is processing the disclosure, how they’re processing the next day after. 

And it’s very critical, remember, because we’re going the long distance here of recovery. It’s very critical for us to understand the climate, the landscape, this place that we’re in. And trauma is a filter through which we need to understand it. Yes. Well stated, Matt. And I think it leads to empathy. Really what we’re wanting to move towards is empathy and understanding. 

The goal is to lead to empathy of my spouse’s experience. Yes. Trauma is part of how we understand that experience, right? The one who has been the betrayer has been living out of reality for months or years. And so, for them, in one sense, it’s not new. But for their spouse’s sense, the disclosure marks the date at which that’s the reality. 

The one that has been living out of the false reality that is a betrayer now feels freedom and feels light and more hopeful, but yet this same information is what shatters. And leads to shock and denial and pain for their spouse. And that’s just difficult. And so really the call here is understand trauma. 

And here’s where we’re going to hit pause on today’s conversation. When we come back, we’re going to look at the four remaining signposts to recovery from sexual betrayal. Thanks, each one for being with us. 

Just as it is helpful for the one who is a betrayer to understand trauma, to be able to empathize with the betrayed. So, it is for the betrayed to understand sexual addiction cycle, to empathize and understand in time and put in context the betrayer. Welcome everyone to Breaking Bread, the podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. 

I am glad to air the second part of a conversation I had with Kaleb Beyer on repairing a sexually betrayed marriage. In this podcast, he is sharing six signposts for such repair. In the last episode, he addressed two, disclosure and trauma. We now pick up with the third signpost of triggers. I think triggers and trauma kind of go hand in hand. 

Explain what you mean by triggers and why understanding this is helpful. Yeah. Think for a moment. The example of walking through a land that’s filled with landmines, but you don’t know where those landmines are. And so, you could step on one, the next moment, tomorrow, it is the ground which you thought was stable. 

So, when you say landmines, what I get is a picture of I think things are fine, and then in a split second, things are horribly wrong. Is that part of what you’re bringing to picture here, is triggers will catch you unaware, be aware of them? Yes. They are events that happen in individuals’ lives after sexual betrayal that remind them of the past. 

And so essentially what happens is it brings the past alive in the present. And so, it feels like I’m walking through this very same thing again. Let’s give some examples. That trigger could be a season, it’s October. It triggers in our mind a previous past October. Yep. Certain periods of the day, seeing a husband or wife, depending on who is the betrayer on the phone or the computer. 

And so, what’s helpful again, is for both the betrayed and the betrayer to understand that these events are going to happen. And they are painful, they’re intense, and they decrease the felt sense of safety in the relationship in the moment. Right? In the moment, it feels like we’re going through this again. 

I think what you’re providing, Kaleb, is a level set. Remember, this is a journey to recovery. This podcast is about recovery, and that it’s possible. And there’s nothing more discouraging than feeling like we’re not recovered. And we’re going in the opposite direction. And you’re giving us a level set to say, triggers are going to do that. 

Just be ready. We can’t avoid them because by avoiding them, we end up starving ourselves of life and flourishing. That is a road that is not uncommon for the betrayed to go down. And at some level, there are some boundaries that need to be put in place. But at the end of the day, if we cut off everything that triggers us, then we rob ourselves of the opportunity of filling our lives with people and things that fill up our tank, so to speak, emotionally. 

I think that’s really critical, to give that awareness, to say, you know what, we can’t avoid triggers. Can you also say this, I’m sure some triggers persist through the rest of life, but is there anything to say about intensity? Can a person, over time, move past a trigger? Yes, absolutely. So, I think there are a couple important things to consider when triggers happen. 

One is being able to identify that it’s a trigger in the first early stages of recovery. It is not uncommon for the couple, particularly the one that’s betrayed, to not even know it’s a trigger. Yeah. They may not know for hours later, days later, oh, that’s what happened there. Okay. And so just acknowledge that this is a process by which even being aware of triggers in the moment takes time, you won’t be able to identify it right away. 

So, this is worse than a landmine, which is very understood momentarily. We know exactly what the problem is. These are events that are not so easily traced. And part of this process that is a signpost that is helpful is becoming aware of what is a trigger. How do I respond when triggers happen? Self-awareness. 

What do I do? What do I go to? And then underneath the trigger, there is a felt need. Yeah, that the spouse has maybe in the short term to calm down, to call a safe, trusted friend that I can walk through this trigger in a healthy way, be reminded of truth, be grounded again. All those pieces are important in this process, but this signpost of triggering certainly is an important one to be aware of and to be conscious of and to accept. 

Right. I like that. Let’s go now to addictions. One of the signposts, the fourth signpost, is an awareness of sexual addictions or addictions in general. What is it that we need to understand here? When a betrayal happens and there is broken trust, okay, we can think of trust in two layers. One is the known. 

We trust people based on what they do, their behavior, but there’s also a sense of the unknown. What is their intention? What is their behavior? Perception, their core emotion. And we build a bridge on this in our marriage relationships over time. And when a sexual betrayal happens, it breaks that bridge. And so now those unknown pieces that I’ve been putting in place as the one that’s been betrayed are no longer true. 

I thought positively they were doing these things because they liked me, and they loved me, and they wanted to be with me. Now you’re saying whoa, this behavior does not communicate that and so understanding sexual addiction and sexual integrity issues can be helpful in the sense that it’s easy to fixate on the wrong behavior that is clearly wrong. 

It is clearly sinful While not understanding the factors underneath the surface that fed that behavior, that fed that sexual acting out. And so, being aware and understanding in appropriate time, this is not early in the process, right? But in time understanding and making sense of how someone could act out. 

And filling that out in a sense that there’s shame going on, there’s pain that is speaking to underneath for the one that did betray and understanding the addiction cycle and how that plays out is really a helpful way to create space for the betrayed, not to take all of that on. 

All that pain and all the events that happened to themself and shame. Can you give an example to further kind of flush this out to see, oh, this is behind that behavior? Addictive behavior often has behaviors that precede the behavior point. And so, there’s a state of vulnerability. Of shame, of painful emotions. 

So, let’s take shame as an example. Right, of feeling bad about oneself. The issue is that the one that is the betrayer. They didn’t bring that shame into the relationship. Right, but the addictive cycle is, one of the quick ways to release that pain, to cope with that pain, even though it’s not helpful, is to go sexually act out. 

Okay. You know, I’m thinking now of the one who is betrayed really would benefit from a good, healthy understanding of addiction or sexual impropriety. And that will help them understand their spouse better. Is that correct? Yes, just as it is helpful. for the one who is a betrayer to understand trauma, to be able to empathize with the betrayed. 

So, it is for the betrayed to understand the sexual addiction cycle, to empathize and understand in time and put in context, the behavior of the betrayer. I liked you set in it next to trauma. I think that brought some clarity. I want to provide a little pushback. Are we giving permission then to unholy sinful behavior because of some addiction cycle? 

That’s a good question. I would say, no, it continues to be sinful. What we’re trying to do is understand how this could be? How did this come about? How could someone who loves me engage in behavior that communicates that you don’t love me at all? Understanding the addiction cycle both honors and says this is clearly sin, this is clearly wrong, while also wanting to understand how is it that this came to be and that someone who loves the Lord, who wants to serve him, who came into this marriage wanting to honor their vows, now are suddenly acting out. 

We need to drill down without minimizing sin. You can maybe say it this way, a good understanding of the brokenness of the world, the brokenness of the soul, the brokenness of the human being goes a long way, not in permitting sin, or not even dismissing sin, but explaining sin, which is helpful. And our desperate need for grace, absolutely. 

Yes. Each one of us. Yep. Let’s move on now to the fifth signpost. You alluded to boundaries already, and I remember it specifically when you talked about triggers, that you simply said, you know, you cannot avoid all the triggers. Then you made an allotment to say, well, you know, there are some boundaries to be made. 

So, let’s zero in on this concept of boundaries signpost here. Yes, it is. So, if you think of your house, there are certain boundary lines that communicate what is your property and what is your neighbor’s property. Okay? And so, when we think about recovery from sexual betrayal, it is important to make sense of what is my responsibility. 

I’m responsible for my thoughts, my behaviors, my emotions, and what is not my responsibility. I am not responsible for the behavior of the one that betrayed me. We set boundaries for the safety of our own heart. We don’t set boundaries to control our spouse. We can’t control our spouse. And that is incredibly scary in the outset. 

I love that we do this for the boundaries of my heart to simply say, honey, what would you be comfortable with and I’m willing to restrict myself in those areas. Yes, that’s important. And that’s a good example. I would say also for the one who’s betrayed one of the things that’s helpful I think is to understand what are their needs to have safety in order for their heart to thrive? And so that’s going to create boundaries for their own heart in this rebuilding process.  

And so, for them, understanding what that property line looks like for them in the context of recovery, what are the things that need to be established so that I can continue to move forward in healing? 

Well, you know, this is the fifth signpost and I do see it progressive. You know, we found ourselves in disclosure in a completely unwelcome world. Trauma helps us see that unwelcome world and triggers play on it. And then understanding the nature of sin and understanding how we got here. And we’re starting now to build these boundaries to say, what kind of world do we want to live in? 

How can I protect my own heart and how can I protect your own heart? And so, there is, if I would like that, maybe shift an optimistic view here, trajectory to say, where do we want to be? And how can we build boundaries and live within these boundaries to get there? Let’s go now to the sixth and final one, and that is forgiveness. 

And we can certainly see where we’ve come from now to have forgiveness, a part of this picture. And I just want to make one observation here, Kaleb, about forgiveness is there’s a lot of signposts that are coming before it Yeah. And I know that you’re not suggesting here that these all happen, and forgiveness should be way out there. 

I know that’s not what you’re suggesting here. But I am suggesting there’s some deep work that happens to get us to a restored place. So, what would you say about forgiveness here? I think the first thing, Matt, is to educate oneself about forgiveness, about what forgiveness is, what forgiveness isn’t. So, for example, understanding the difference between trust and forgiveness. 

Yep. Forgiveness is a debt that we are releasing, which is really an individual process. Okay. It’s in the context of relationship, but it’s as God forgave us, we were in debt to him. And so, he chooses to release that debt. There’s no longer a debt. The trust process is mutuality. There is a relationship context. 

There is forgiveness too, but this is a two-way kind of part. So, trust isn’t something that we give trust is something that’s earned. So, for trust to be rebuilt, the betrayer needs to act in a trustworthy manner that then earns back and builds up, right? And restores this piece of integrity and authenticity and a place that I can trust not just what I see, but again, intentions.  

I think you’ve laid that out very well, Kaleb. I mean, it makes a lot of sense to me, and maybe I’ll say it this way. It is possible to say, honey, I forgive you. I’ve given that debt over to Jesus, but I still don’t trust you with X, Y, and Z, which really speaks to the boundaries part of the previous signpost. But that’s possible to have that type of conversation. It is. Yes. And it’s possible with the forgiveness piece, which I think you alluded to earlier, just to acknowledge that when we speak of forgiveness, there’s both a cognitive component, I choose to forgive, there’s also the whole emotional part of it that is a process that is ongoing, if you will, to get to a point at which my choice matches my experiential reality. 

And so, I think it’s just helpful to just acknowledge again, biblically, we are called to forgive. Absolutely. That’s something each of us holds dear while also saying, this is a process. And I think there’s a lot of hope in that too, Kaleb, because I think there’s a lot of people saying, I forgive, and I want to forgive. 

I think I forgive. Have I forgiven? If I really forgive, would I have had that thought race through my head that just went through? And you’re really giving space here to say that while we can forgive and give over that debt, as sometimes our feelings trail behind. And will, in time, confirm that forgiveness. 

Yes. And I think being aware of that for both spouses can be a helpful thing, a hard thing, but helpful thing, Matt. In the sense that it says, you know, because one dynamic that can come up with couples is the betrayed gets triggered. Right? A flood of negative emotions. And maybe they come out externally at the betrayer. 

And the betrayer can explode. I thought you forgave me. You told me you forgave me. Yeah. And both can be true. Both there can be forgiveness and there’s a triggering of overwhelming emotions that in that moment, in that state, there’s a reactivity that doesn’t feel like forgiveness, but it is the process of working towards a new reality for both a shared reality, really. 

Yeah. Kaleb, you work with couples. That’s what you do. And sexual betrayal is something that you have seen in couples. Can you say that you have seen couples work through deep betrayal and have in time come out on the other side in a restored relationship with mutual respect and godly honoring their vows that they took decades before? 

Yes, I can say absolutely yes, Matt. And I think it’s both a beautiful thing, but also a challenging and difficult journey. But it’s beautiful to see the redemption of God at work taking something that was broken, that shattered, and redeeming, restoring, and making something beautiful out of something that was broken. 

And so, yes. I think that is so exciting, and I trust our listeners are encouraged by that. And you’re speaking from a lot of data points with that. I think there’s a lot of hope. What advice do you have? Speak now to couples that are enduring this at the moment. I think one, Matt, is just to be patient and compassionate with yourself and with each other. And that’s something that’s an ongoing process, but this is a confusing, disorienting, painful journey at times that is going to feel really hope filled and at other times, feel like we are at square one. And so, it is important to rest in the steadfast love of our Savior that is consistent, that is constant. 

And so being patient with each other, I think surrounding yourself with safe people that you can be raw with and not judged in the sense that they accept you and fully love you, and they can communicate truth in your life is when again, the journey is so disorienting. And then I think this piece of seeing it as a process, seeing it that this is a journey that we’re on and it feels like at times, certainly we want to be there, but what is the spirit bringing up in my heart in this process and how is he communicating to me and my spouse? 

As we walk along, we realize that this is not a point in time. This is an ongoing journey of restoration together. I think that’s exciting. And I really like how we’ve kind of landed where we started. You talked about the importance of truth being the very first signpost. What is true and what we have landed here is the truth of God’s Word. 

As Jesus said, the truth shall set you free and how we bring to bear on this very broken situation, the truth of Christ, the truth of his resurrection, and that he has modeled for us victory over death, over brokenness, over sin. And what you’ve just attested to is marriages mirror that death and resurrection just as Jesus has done. 

And I think that provides so much hope for each of our listeners. We trust that this content encourages you that you perhaps too are very likely to have a marriage that mirrors the death and resurrection of Christ in this area of sexual betrayal. Thanks, Kaleb for sharing. It’s been a blessing to be with you. 

You can find the webpage that I referenced on our website, accounseling.org. If you go to the search menu, the little magnifying glass there and type in sexual betrayal, it will come up. And you will find really helpful links on each of these signposts to help guide you. So, thanks, Kaleb, and to each one that was here. 

Thanks. And God bless you.