Accountability Questions For Engaged Couples

Directions: Below is a list of questions for you to review prayerfully before the Lord and with a mature, spiritual mentor or minister. They are intended to encourage a level of accountability as you strive to have a God-honoring engagement which can be a testimony to others of the work which God is doing in your lives.

Spiritual:  

1. What does praying, reading, serving, etc. look like for each of you individually? Together? Are you willing to pray out loud, hearing each other’s hearts in prayer?
2. Have you been growing in your discussion of spiritual things? Is this growth natural, difficult, unsure?
3. How has your relationship been glorifying to God? What has God been teaching you during this time?
4. Future wife: Describe what it looks like to support your future husband as he leads in marriage.
5. Future husband: Describe what it looks like to honor and cherish your future wife in marriage.

Communication and Priorities: 

1. Are you letting [fiancé’s name] know how you feel about him/her? Have you let [fiancé’s name] know, through your words and actions, that he/she is loved, cherished, respected, and honored?
2. Are you open with your communication? Is there anything you need to bring up but have not? If so, what steps do you need to take to open communication?
3. Have you made an effort to have good, respectful communication with your family members and in-laws to be (i.e., appropriately keeping them “in the loop” with what is going on in your life)?
4. What are the two of you doing to manage your busy schedules to ensure you spend enough time focusing on your relationship? Are you also remaining faithful to your other responsibilities (work, school, etc.)? Are there any changes that you need to make?
5. How are you continuing to be respectful to your existing friendships (spending appropriate time with them, being mindful of your public affection with your fiancé, etc.)? Are there areas where you need to adjust?

Boundaries: 

1. In what areas do you see Satan trying to tempt and distract you? Is Satan playing on your fear of the future, unknowns, etc.? What proactive measures are you taking to guard against temptation?
2. Have your actions been edifying and within the boundaries of the Word? Have you touched [fiancé’s name] in any inappropriate way or made him/her feel uncomfortable by any of your behavior? If an issue exists, what do you need to do to resolve it? Do you need to speak with [fiancé’s name] about anything specifically and seek the counsel of anyone else?
3. Has [fiancé’s name] held to your agreed upon boundaries, or is he/she letting them slip in any way? Have you placed [fiancé’s name] in any potentially compromising situations what could weaken their resolve? Do you need to speak with [fiancée’s name] about anything specifically and seek the counsel of anyone else?
4. How are you stewarding your thought-life so that it can remain pure and within biblical boundaries?
5. Do you have agreed-upon, reasonable curfews that allow you to continue to meet your other obligations? Are you getting enough sleep?
6. Have you minimized, hedged, or omitted relevant information in response to any of these questions? Is there anything else you need to talk about or share with someone now?

For complete PDF, click here.

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For Further Information:

Before We Marry: A Journal for Christian Couples: 250 Questions for Couples to Grow Together in Faith
This journal is designed for engaged and young couples to learn more about each other and develop emotional intimacy through a variety of questions. The book has five broad categories of questions: family and friends; faith and values; you and me; past, present and future; and the world around us.

 

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts   
Authors: Dr. Les & Leslie Parrott
Publisher: Zondervan
This 155-page book provides engaged couples with a good overview of what to expect from marriage and the skills/attributes needed to have a successful marriage. It covers a variety of topics including communication, expectations, love styles, gender differences, and couple spirituality. Two workbooks one for men and one for women, provide the couple with self-tests and exercises to help them apply the material.  They are available separately.

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