Accountability Questions For Engaged Couples

Directions: Below is a list of accountability questions for you to review prayerfully before the Lord and with a mature, spiritual mentor or minister. Some of the questions are specific to having godly, healthy boundaries in the relationship, while others are about keeping a proper spiritual focus during the engagement. These questions can be modified to fit your circumstances.

1. Have you been praying, reading the Bible, and discussing spiritual things together? What has God been teaching you through this relationship? How has this relationship been glorifying to God?
2. Future husbands: Are you being purposeful in spiritually leading this relationship? If so, in what ways? If not, what steps do you need to take to change?
   Future wives: Are you being purposeful in allowing and encouraging your fiancé to lead? If so, in what ways? If not, what steps do you need to take to change?
3. In what areas do you see Satan trying to tempt and distract you? Is Satan playing on your fear of the future, unknowns, etc.? What proactive measures are you taking to guard against any temptations?
4. Are you letting [fiancé’s name] know how you feel about him/her? Have you let [fiancé’s name] know, through your words and actions, that he/she is loved, cherished, respected, and honored?
5. Are you being open with your communication? Is there anything that you need to bring up at this time, but you have not done so? If so, what steps to do you need to take to open the communication?
6. Have your conversations been edifying and within the boundaries of the Word? If not, where are there issues, and how do you intend to resolve them? Do you need to speak with [fiancé’s name] about anything specifically and/or seek the counsel of anyone else?
7. Have your actions been edifying and within the boundaries of the Word? Have you touched [fiancé’s name] in any inappropriate way or made him/her feel uncomfortable by any of your physical behavior? If an issue exists, what do you need to do to resolve it? Do you need to speak with [fiancé’s name] about anything specifically and seek the counsel of anyone else?
8. Are you keeping your thought-life pure and within biblical boundaries?
9. Is there anything that [fiancé’s name] does that places temptation before you? For example, in the things he/she talks about, dresses, how he/she touches you, etc.? If so, what is your plan to address this with him/her?
10. Has [fiancé’s name] held to your agreed upon boundaries, or is he/she letting them slip in any way? Do you need to speak with [fiancée’s name] about anything specifically and seek the counsel of anyone else?
11. Does [fiancé’s name] understand you as a person well enough to know your weak spots and be able to be a “firewall” for you? If not, how do you plan to share this with him/her and get his/her help in these areas?
12. Have you placed [fiancé’s name] in any potentially compromising situations? That is, have there been any times that your physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual resolve could be weakened or broken through (e.g., late nights out alone, etc.)?
13. Have you made an effort to have good, respectful communication with your family members (i.e., appropriately keeping them “in the loop” with what is going on in your life)?
14. Is there anything else that you need to talk about or share with someone at this time?
15. What are the two of you doing to manage your busy schedules to ensure that you spend adequate time focusing on your relationship? Are there any changes that you need to make?
16. Have you minimized, hedged, or omitted relevant information in response to any of these questions?

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For Further Information:

Getting to “Really Know” Your Life-Mate-To-Be
Author: Bobb & Cheryl Biehl
This resource contains approximately 250 questions for engaged couples to ask each other. The questions help the couple learn about each other by ensuring they talk about important topics. While it is a good resource for any engaged couple, it is particularly suited for engaged couples who live a long distance from each other and who spend a significant amount of time talking on the phone.

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts   
Authors: Dr. Les & Leslie Parrott
Publisher: Zondervan
This 155-page book provides engaged couples with a good overview of what to expect from marriage and the skills/attributes needed to have a successful marriage. It covers a variety of topics including communication, expectations, love styles, gender differences, and couple spirituality. Two workbooks one for men and one for women, provide the couple with self-tests and exercises to help them apply the material.  They are available separately.

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