The Emerging Adult Podcast Episode

Show interest, to show care, to challenge, and to equip and show how much they’re needed really helps these young adults land in that community that is there waiting for them. Welcome everyone to Breaking Bread, the podcast brought to you by Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services. I am Matt Kaufman, and I’m glad to have Kathy Knuckle down from Michigan with us here today. 

Hi Matt. Hi, Kathy, we’re going to talk about the emerging adult, okay? And so that’s a term that needs a bit of definition. So, I’d like you to talk about what we mean by emerging adult and then bring it a little bit into your world as a counselor. What are you seeing? And then we’re going to talk a little bit about the role that we play in our young adults emerging into adulthood. 

Maybe I’m guessing on that term. Is that what we’re talking about? Yes. Emerging adult. Yes. Who is that? So, emerging adult is really just a term that describes what we would really refer to as young adults. It’s that time period between 18 and mid to late 20s. And the term emerging adult really just helps frame up this idea that you don’t go to bed the night before your 18th birthday a child and wake up adult the next day and have things all figured out. 

And you work with really young adults. A lot of the work that you do has to do with helping these young adults grow into adulthood. Yes. And I would say it’s a very unique population. There is so much diversity within this age group. We have a lot of high school students that are transitioning into the next phase of their life, and that looks like college for some. 

For some, they are taking on roles on family farms or in family businesses. There are some that are getting married and starting families and there are some that are just pausing for a little bit to try and figure out what’s next as they figure out God’s plan and just reorient themselves to their goals and their values in life. 

And so not only diversity in trajectory, but there’s also diversity in development. Some move into adulthood in some ways quicker than others. Yes, absolutely. And so, in the work that you do, you’re really looking at this holistic individual and saying, okay, how can we move this individual along and boost these areas of their life to bring them into adulthood? 

Yes. What are we seeing in terms of the challenges? What challenges are out there for this population? So, again, just such a unique variety of challenges. I think some of the common ones are, I know I mentioned this a little bit earlier, but from an identity perspective, that is one of the biggest things that most 18 plus year olds are trying to figure out. 

At the age of 18, that’s a scary thing. Yes. And there are so many different paths to take, but what can happen so quickly is if your path is different than your group of friends or the rest of the people in your community, it brings about sometimes some level of shame or isolation or anxiety over that very piece of feeling different and out of place. 

If you really think about it, there are so many decisions made during this time period that really impact the rest of our lives. I think so often we as people ask people in this age group, what are your future plans? What are you doing? And sometimes just like where you were, everyone doesn’t have an answer for that. 

And then that is where some of that shame piece can fit in. I mean, that would be one of the challenges too for the individuals that don’t actually know what the next steps look like. Just feeling the need to have something. We’ve defined who the emergent adult is. Yes. We’ve, we’ve identified the challenges here. 

Yes. We haven’t exhausted them. I think what we want to do Kathy, is appreciate the uniqueness of the challenge. Yes. And I would maybe add to the challenge piece even from a counselor perspective, is what happens really quickly with all of these decisions that have to be made. A lot of individuals find themselves facing increased stress. 

Feelings of anxiety, sometimes feelings of depression. That’s what I see a lot. Just people reaching out in this stage because of the impact it’s having on their overall emotional wellbeing and just the impact it can have on sleep and things like that. And then in a very comparative world that we’re in it’s very easy to look horizontal and evaluate yourself and evaluate my emerging right, from that of another person. So here are the challenges for this emerging adult. Let’s now talk about, because really what we want to throw ourselves into really is talk about the community. What you suggest is there is a role for all of us in the emerging adult. 

We need to take some responsibility for their growing up. Am I right about that? Yes. The emerging adult needs to feel connected to a community of support. And I think if we think back to our own time during that, we know the people who really showed up, really cared, really showed an interest. And that’s the same piece that the young adults do today. 

And I would say really a community of support serves just as an anchor during all of these times to help people navigate these with support. Let’s talk to that community. Kathy, if you were to have a top list of things to tell that community, whether they be tools, whether they be perspectives, whether they be helps in this area of connecting and being that anchor, what would be some of those things? 

The first thing I would just really say is it’s really hard. Or it can be really hard to start that relationship when somebody is 18 or 19. So really, I would say just even the individuals that want to be involved with young adults start that early, start that in their middle school, high school years so that connection has already formed. 

The more years of relationship has been going, the stronger it is and the easier it is to challenge, and trust is built. And so, I think that’s the first thing to just be aware of is start relationships young with youth of the church, and then that will continue throughout the young adult years. So, let’s now go to that connection. 

All right, suppose we make connection with this young person, okay, as a young person and then moving on into teens, right? You really called us to that. Now give us some further concepts. Like what should I be keeping in mind? Right? Because somebody’s like, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what to, how do I evaluate my time? 

Because let’s be honest, sometimes it’s an awkward time. Yes, absolutely. And I think the other thing it’s important, we’re talking about a community. So, it’s not that you have to be the one, the end all be all for one specific person. But it is about knowing the big things that are coming up in their life. 

So, if we’re talking high school graduation, talking to them about that piece. And then, there’s that summer between graduation and college, and all of the excitement of going off to college for those that are doing college. And it’s just knowing that. It’s knowing that they’re starting to pack their boxes, and it’s easy to get lost in the details of all the things that an individual wants in the next 10 years. 

And so just really being intentional about that very next thing in their life. Yeah. Okay. What should some of my objectives be as I engage with a young person? Part of this piece of developing this relationship is they don’t only know you, but you know them. And so, then you can start to notice when maybe stress levels are getting a little bit high or if they’ve stopped coming to some of the typical church activities or community activities, depending on where you’re connecting with these people, and so then that way, you know, changes in behaviors and you probably know they’re in a little bit of a hard spot right now. And so, in that way, you have an open door to be able to say, I’ve noticed. 

You know, fill in the blank there. How are you doing? Or is there something you want to talk about? You’re really asking for deeper than knowing what they like, and they don’t like while that’s a part of it. You’re really asking for a deeper No, right and knowing people and interacting with people which probably comes as a function of time Yes, but really is a function of interest, right? 

Which I think actually is just as, I mean, I know we’re all stretched for time. We think maybe that’s the greatest limiter, but really that concept of care might be just as equal of a limitation, right? And I’m saying that to myself. Do I care? Absolutely. Oh, they’re people’s kids, you know what I’m saying? 

Yes, which is really what you’re calling this to. That’s a really good heart check there. Like, am I trying to support people in this age group because it feels like the right thing or because I actually care about them and have that perspective of, so from a church perspective, these individuals are the future church. 

So, am I really caring about growing skills in them, getting them plugged in? That sort of thing, even like what you just said, they’re giving them skills right there. Now that gives us a flood of information, right? Whether you’re working with a person, what skills does this person need and how can I help develop that? 

But you’ve really spoken to this concept of care. Maybe if that was top of mind for us to say, when I interact with a young person, I want to communicate my care for them. I think that gives us a little bit of focus that says, okay, I can do that. All right. What else comes to mind on things that I should be thinking about? 

The ability to just listen to all of the questions and concerns and, again, challenges that individuals in this age group are facing is a really important thing. There are a lot of questions that they’re facing just about life, not only about their own identity, but about the world and sometimes about their faith and about church and all of those. 

Okay, you partly answered my question because my next question, what should I be listening for? Yes. What should I be listening for? Just listening to what’s on their mind. I think that’s the most important thing to be able to do. We so quickly can kind of cower and think like, what if they ask me this question? 

I have no idea how to answer it. And the answer to that is you don’t have to know the answer. You just have to be a willing listener, somebody that is willing to, like I said, listen, but then also say, let’s figure this out together. You know, being able to say the Bible has some really good principles here on this situation or let’s go look for this resource or that resource. 

So now you’re really following that up. It first starts with listening and then after that it can move to a challenge or helping growth. Moving that person forward and drawing upon the word of God, drawing upon our experience. It’s almost as if that listening is getting it. of a person so that we can both inspect it and we can both handle it. 

Is that a good way to think about it? Yes. And then I agree with what you said. That’s where the challenge piece comes in. Once there’s been a topic that you’ve been able to talk with them about or know is a difficulty, I would say just simply finding time for devotions and time with God, in the busyness of life, that can be something that for everyone, but especially for people in this age group that they can really struggle with. 

And so, then you can challenge them in that area. How has this time looked for you recently? And to challenge, and again, going back to your former concept about in the next step. Yes. I think that’s a good thing to think about as we challenge. What does it look like to challenge them for the next step, right? 

What is this next, you know, for the fourth grader to be thinking about fifth grade, right? That would be the level of challenge as opposed to the high platitudes of making them into an astronaut. Absolutely. What is the next thing, which, I think, gives us some focus. Yes, and I would say practically there. 

The best way to do that is with some open-ended questions. Just being able to say how is this going? What have you been working on recently? What’s been on your mind lately? Just those open-ended questions for them can elicit that conversation and it highlights all the things that we’ve talked about today. It shows that you’re interested Shows that you’ve been listening to what they have to say, and you care for them enough that you want them to keep moving. 

And so just having good questions to ask them can be a really good thing there. I like that. So, we talk about expressing care. We’re talking about encouraging them towards growth. What else? As we think about my interaction with these young people, we really want, I think part of our objective here today, because we hear this, right, I don’t know how to connect with young people. 

Right. And while for some people it comes naturally, others it doesn’t, but that’s what this is about. How can we all get better at connecting with young people? Because we all have a responsibility to them and to this world. So express care, challenge growth. What else? We talked about this a little bit earlier, but I would say just really working towards equipping them for roles and for different activities, things like that within the community that they’re in. And so, I’m thinking right now at summertime, there’s a lot of vacation Bible schools happening, bringing them into those roles with you, being able to ask them to participate in different types of ministries or that sort of thing. 

And even having them present with you there. I think that helps with that. I don’t always know how to connect with them and that’s okay, but you do know how to be present with them or ask them to help you. And so young people want to know that they’re needed, and they want to know that they do have a spot in. 

So, it sounds to me like there’s an empowerment item here. Is that a good way to say it? You are empowering them and saying your life is not waiting for you in the future. Your life is now. Your value is not what you become. Yes. You have value now. Yes. I think that’s a powerful statement. And I think it really helps with the depression that we see, with the anxiety that we see, with the comparison that we see. 

As we fret about the future, and really, we’re making that very contemporary here. Can you help me with this? Is that what it looks like? Yes. Hey, I need your help with this. Absolutely. That’s very simple. I could use your help here. I think if you think about it too, just these groups of individuals, their community has changed. 

The normal high school group that they’ve been with, or depending on what these aren’t just 18-year-olds, we’re talking about this is 18 to probably mid to late twenties, their young group circles might have changed or just social circles. And so really by asking them to come alongside, you’re helping them integrate into a new community also. 

When we feel a loss of our community, that’s where the feelings of grief and loss and that’s what impacts levels of anxiety and stress and depression. So absolutely to your point there, just asking them to come alongside is a really good thing to do. I think one really important nut to crack as a community is to employ our young people not only in areas where they can participate, but in areas that we need them to participate. Absolutely. You catch the difference between that? Yes. That is where empowerment hits its stride. And I would say one of the things that they can do best, they can bring some energy, joy, just enthusiasm because they have this view of there are unlimited options in the future, and they’re living in the moment at times. And so, they bring all of that. One thing that I think is really important for young people, they don’t have the experience or the maturity always to do everything perfectly. 

And that’s okay. Everybody has to experience their first situation to be able to learn and grow from. So, you have to let kids fail. Yes. And we have to let young people fail, don’t we? Yes. Which is part of the skill set. I’m glad you raised that point. That’s part of the skill set we’re talking about here. 

If we correct, correct, correct, no like this, no like this, no like this, here, let me do this. Right. And so sometimes as adults, we have to hold our tongue, don’t we? Yes, absolutely. Because you want space for, like we’re talking about, you want space for them to try new things and possibly fail, and rather than pointing out all of the reasons that they probably shouldn’t have participated in that activity or it went wrong, being able to again, back to the open ended questions piece of what would you do different next time? 

Or what are you wanting to work on? You know, when you come back to help in this area next time, and then it helps them notice what they want to do differently. And then you can challenge and grow them. So, you’re really saying that we learn by failure, and that part of our job here is to then support on the mistake side of things. 

Right. Which is a huge redemptive way of the way God handles mistakes. But we have our role to play then. So, the objective is not to keep the kid from making a mistake, but to be there when he does. Yes. Kathy, I thought one of the important points Roger Gasser and Craig Stickling brought out in our previous podcast about launching kids was where are we launching them into? 

We’re launching them into a community. Well natural then it is that community be part of this launching, receiving process. Our young people are emerging into adulthood and they’re not emerging into islands of adults. Absolutely. But into community. You’ve really provided in this podcast a charge to the community to be active and have given some really clear framework of thinking about it. 

I want you to finish now as we come to a close. Talk a little bit about the importance of community as it regards the emerging adult. Yes. Going on what you had said there about, we’re launching our kids into a community, not onto islands. And so, in order for young adults to not feel like they have to go off onto their own island, they need just a few basic things within that community. 

And that’s that they know that people care about them. They know that they have value. They know that there are jobs and there are roles for them. And so, all of these things that we have talked about, that ability for the rest of the community to show interest. Just to show care, to challenge, and to equip and show how much they’re needed really helps these young adults land in that community that is there waiting for them. 

And so, you just mentioned, so they land in the community. You might almost say that they’re going to land in some community. Which community will they land in? Yes. And we have an opportunity to bring them into our communities. Yes. Absolutely. We talked through the challenges that individuals in this age range face and those challenges have a way of just really getting them off course or experiencing mental health needs or other challenges, isolation, and so that community is what keeps them on that path and then helps keep them connected into their faith community, which is the ultimate goal. 

Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That we would want our young emerging adults to grow into men and women. Sons and daughters of God. Yes. Right. Yes. Who have seen a need for Christ have repented of their sin. And have now found place in the larger family of God. Yes. Thanks Kathy. For just really, I think giving us some handholds. 

As we think about, okay, I’m going to reach out to and be a part of the young folks that are in my life, whether they be in my neighborhood, in my church family, in my community, right? So, thank you for that. Yes. And thanks to our listeners for being here, and thanks for listening. I know so many of you are engaging our youth in some powerful, powerful ways, and hopefully this podcast simply encouraged that, supported that, perhaps breathed some wind in the sails to continue the inertia that is already presently going on in many to reach out to and bless our young people.